The Chronicles of Hipengy the Playa
by Hipengy
Summary: Follow the adventures of Hipengy the playa as he gets himself into love quadrangles and other terrifying encounters with Club Penguin's most dangerous creatures--girls. The best part? Everything that happens in this story actually happened! It's all true!
1. How it all Started

**Well it's about time they put up a Club Penguin section on this site! These adventures of the Great Hipengy the Playa have gone for too long without recognition. In fact, most of these stories were written a couple years back so I'm only going to put up the best ones. The best part is ALL of these stories are true and actually happened! Who knows? Maybe you'll come across yourself in one of these!**

**As usual, there are a couple points I need to make before I start…**

**-Warning! If you're a Pollyanna that has a deep love for puffles, Rockhopper, and all that is Club Penguin, I suggest you not read this.**

**-Rated K+ since there is no swearing, although younger kids may not enjoy it, especially if they are associated with the above bullet.**

**-Flames are accepted so I can laugh at them.**

**Now without further ado, here is the first chapter of in the life and chronicles of Hipengy the Playa!**

My name's Hipengy and I live in a stupid place called Club Penguin. I'm a black penguin with a red Santa hat and a white beard. As for where I live, I live with a bunch of sissy penguins…sadly; I'm one of them. I wish I could have been born something else—a tiger, a wolf…maybe a polar bear so I could devour every stinking penguin that crossed my path. Seriously…these guys are idiots. But not me or my best friend Rhutter. We've cheated more idiot penguins that you can imagine. For everything I've done, I'm surprised the police haven't caught up to me yet. But what the heck? This is a stupid organization. But I manage. I better than manage. I'm Hipengy! I'm a playa. My life must be filled with fun at all times. Anyways…let's start at the beginning…the most major event that started it all!

**~Chapter 1:How it all Started**

I forget where I met her. Maybe it was the pizza parlor, or the coffee shop, but who really cares? Her name was Pinkwie and she was a simple, dark blue penguin. There was a certain charm about her at first, but then it happens with all the stupid ones: they become monsters. We hung out. I certainly remember the way I kicked her butt at mancala and sled racing. We hung out and did A LOT together. Finally, I invited her to the nightclub and we were dancing on the southern side of the floor when she got carried away.

"I…" She started off. She could have said anything! "…Am gay…married a tree…ate your mother…wish I were a duck…" Anything! But then she "hearted" and said "Hipengy." By the time she made another heart, I was long gone, ready to escape to Canada. But this was too interesting so I stayed. In my excitement, I found more girls. One simply had to ask "Boy or girl?" I would say boy and they were on me like flies to crap! Only I'm way to cool for crap.

Anyways, girls were crowding around me left and right, so I escaped to the beach. Two followed and the rest gave up. Ones name was…shoot, I forget. I guess she wasn't that important. The other one's name was Stewie and she—who names their kid Stewie?! Well, she was smitten with my good looks and charm. The other girl was the same way and couldn't even talk because she was so busy making hearts. Stewie kept asking if I loved her when suddenly, I was surrounded on my beach chair by a mob of angry penguins! A threatening-looking green one stepped out from the group. She was the leader, and her name was Hershey.

"Hipengy!" She snarled, the others growling from behind her, their short feathers seeming to bristle as they glared at me. I sat on my beach chair, staring like a deer caught in headlights. Hershey went on, "You left Pinkwie! She's in her igloo, and she's really sad! Go there…RIGHT NOW!" The penguins closed in, hissing. Then my mind went blank. No seriously, it went totally blank.

I can't even remember what happened.

How's THAT for a climax?

Maybe I can't remember because they drugged me or something.

Overall, that's what started my playa days and I never saw Pinkwie again. Sometimes I wonder what happened to her. Although I hope to never encounter her again, I wonder who her next victim was. But the real question is…

Who is my next victim?

**~End Chapter One**

**They get longer and more funny/interesting later on. Please review or alert. Reviewers get chocolate chip cookies. Come on, you know you want to…**


	2. The Most Memorable One

**Wow! Seriously, you guys are too kind. Sixteen views…that's over nine thousand! And I'd like to thank my reviewers—all one of them. Well, without further ado, here is another chapter of my lame story!**

**~Chapter 2: The Most Memorable One**

I have gone through many boring girlfriends, all disappearing after a while. But there is one who I am waiting on to see if she "deletes" me. But she refuses to. In short, she is the most annoying penguin ever…

Lelee.

The horrible name of that evil penguin. Where did I meet her again? I can't seem to pinpoint where I meet these people. I have a feeling I was in the town when a peculiar feeling came over me. Feeling mischievous, I shouted out something corny. Something like… "Press 9 and be all mine!" Was that when I got her? I forget. But she was annoying right from the start, yelling at me all the time. I invited her to the pizza parlor where it was crowded. She started yelling at the boss, so I quickly dragged her off to the coffee shop. There, she got up in my face and screamed…

"I AM HUNGRY!"

"Okay."

"STARVING!"

"We can get coffee."

"I WANT PIZZA!!!"

Gosh, she was annoying. I left her. I just dropped her after a bit…just like that. Later, I had found a girl known as Cupcake…she was really getting on my nerves. I don't know how many times she said "Hipengy." And I said "What" Then I met up with my buddy and my partner in crime Rhutter. We plotted together. It wasn't long before Rhutter waddled off to go find this Lelee girl and hook up. At the nightclub, Lelee continued to talk loudly to Rhutter as I danced with Cupcake. Rhutter was almost as good as me at acting.

"A flower for my fair lady?" He said sweetly.

"Thank you, my prince!" She gasped dramatically.

Then a miracle happened! Lelee stopped yelling and spoke normally! Yes! Then it happened: Lelee asked Rhutter to come to her igloo. I would be their chaperone. They disappeared out the door, and I turned to follow. My date called out after me, "Hipengy!" I ignored her and tracked them. Lelee held open the door and they were inside after a moment of love. Lelee had never been like that with me…I wonder why.

They forgot to lock the door, so I could've easily entered…but I figured a dramatic entrance would be better. I busted through the window, scattering snow in my wake. Rhutter stared at me, a glint in his eyes, but no more. Lelee was stupid not to see something wrong was going on. Lelee's face contorted with anger and she yelled at me to get out, throwing snowballs like crazy. I decided to be smart with her and play some mind games while she was going on about how much better Rhutter was than me.

"Rhutter…is a girl!" I announced dramatically. Rhutter kept staring, not saying much, but he seemed to be catching on at the chance to dump this girl. Lelee just glowered at me and then looked over at Rhutter.

"Rhutter is cool." She declared, "He is so much better than you!"

"Rhutter is a girl." I confirmed, and then lied, "She's my girlfriend."

"It isn't true!" Lelee hissed, looking to Rhutter to help her out, but he just held the same expression. See, penguins have trouble telling the difference between genders so they always have to ask "Boy or girl?" Now that I had shaken Lelee's confidence, it was time for a dramatic finish.

"Tell her, Rhutter." I said, placing a flipper on his shoulder.

"Girl. Not a guy." He said, making his voice go as high as it could go. Then he repeated it once or twice so the message would get through. Lelee collapsed in a heap on the floor, wailing about lies and deceit. I pretended that I was Rhutter's boyfriend.

"You two are dufisses!" She shrieked, barraging me with snowballs. I didn't flinch.

"You spelled doofusses wrong." I pointed out modestly. Then I wondered if I had spelled it right. Well…no one needed to know. Don't ask how I could read what she was saying, okay? She steamed.

"Out of my igloo…now!" She demanded, continuously throwing snowballs at me. Anger management, sheesh! Why couldn't she throw them at Rhutter for a minute? "Get out!" I think Rhutter was having brain problems…he wasn't moving. Lelee told me to get out again.

"I would…" I said in a fake-timid voice, "But I'm lodged in your snowballs." That was half true…I was covered in snowballs, but I could get out if I wanted to. But I didn't want to. I wasn't about to leave Rhutter in this torture chamber. Lelee finally gave up…and in her own home, too! She exited and I rejoiced, "Great! Rhutter, this shall be our new home. The red puffle shall be Hitangy and the purple one shall be Gutter!" Rhutter wasn't there anymore. I guess his system must have shut down or something. Lelee returned and another argument arose, but not nearly as interesting as the first. In the end, I got away…

…But Lelee didn't forget about me so fast, nor did I about her.


	3. Lelee Returns

**Wow, five reviews. It's kind of sad that my good stories get only half of that. But keep reviewing anyways! I'm not complaining.**

**On another note, a couple of people have actually voted on my pointless poll! "Do you?" A question asked almost every minute on Club Penguin, which I have yet to discover the meaning of. It seems two other people share this view for they voted "Do I what?" while one brave soul voted "Yeah!" I commend you guys for taking the time to vote. The results made me laugh...although I have a faint idea of what do you stands for, I am still unsure because I have encountered many different meanings of it. Oh well...the mystery is what makes it fun.**

**Without further ado, here is the next chapter! This chapter is dedicated to Lelee, for her great contribution of being annoying.**

**~Chapter 3: Lelee Returns**

I hadn't seen Lelee lately. It was any other day…I had just taken over the pizza parlor, without permission from the boss who had gone out. I sat at the front desk, slipping some coins into my pocket, eyes darting left and right. Then someone out in the crowd called my name. It was Lelee. I gaped in surprise, taking on a deer in headlights look. Lelee made a sad face and walked out of the restaurant. I was curious about following, but I wasn't sure. Then the co boss found me out and called security. I was out of there before you could say squid. Lelee had been waiting and said simply, "Come to my igloo." And took off sprinting to the neighborhood, across the barren snowy landscape. I reluctantly followed. I couldn't help it…I was too curious…I'm always curious. In her igloo, Lelee, the girl of my nightmares, cowered on the floor in front of me.

So this was it.

She had come crawling back to me on hands and knees. "Hipengy." She whimpered, trying to look either hurt or innocent…I couldn't tell. "I need you."

I stared at her.

"I need your help."

Oh. Okay, never mind.

"Please help me make this one boy jealous." She begged.

I paused, uncertain. "And what's in it for me?" I asked testily, narrowing my eyes.

"Please, Hipengy! Please! Please!" I don't know how many times she said please, but finally, some ugly brute penguin entered her house. Didn't this girl ever lock her door?

Anyways, this penguin was red and ferocious. He had sunglasses and a heavy leather jacket. Horns and spiked hair that were obviously fake arose from the top of his head. He had macho boots and I quivered in my friendly Santa hat and beard. His name was Mister Scarface. I immediately didn't like him and decided to help. He didn't like me either, but I looked puny compared to him. Then we were up in each other's face.

"Stay away from my girl." I scowled, and Lelee knew I had taken her side.

"This is my boyfriend Hipengy." She bragged, "He's cooler than you!"

Scarface was up in my face, trying to intimidate me or something. Yet, he was talking to Lelee as the argument erupted. Amazingly, I defended her and we were winning. He was definitely getting jealous. The plan was working. Then she came in the room…Fugemonkeys.

The battle was pretty much over by then. Afterwards, Lelee deserted me without even a simple thank you. Scarface left to weep in a corner. So much for looking tough. "Men don't cry!" I had said proudly as he bawled on my shoulder. Fugemonkeys kept hanging around me. She was a sky blue penguin who was extremely sweet. She was instantly trying to get me to ditch Lelee. I did.

As expected, she also became a monster, but it took a day or two. The details are so boring; we'll just leave out those chapters…like the one with the proposal.

_Especially _the one with the proposal.


	4. Faceoff!

**Since you guys are being so nice and leaving intelligent reviews, I decided to put up another chapter early on. Plus, I've been really bored lately and yesterday I actually got on Club Penguin for the first time in months! For any of you that care, I always get on the Mittens server because it's the name of one of my cats. If you see me, give yourself a pat on the back! Then hang your head in shame when you've realized I disappeared while you were too busy patting your back. **

**Oh, and before I forget, I made it so visitors can comment too since I realized half of the people viewing this story don't have an account. So get your lazy butts in gear and leave a review because I was nice enough to go to all that trouble to press a button that would let you review! Now you don't have to make an account. You can just tell me how much more story sucks or rocks with a fake name. Isn't that nice? Anyways, to the story! Is it just me or are they getting longer?**

**~Chapter 4: Faceoff!**

I was waddling around the club when I saw a light on in my old enemy's igloo…Lelee. I crashed through the door, screaming, then zoomed back outside, fleeing to the iceberg. Lelee had obviously seen that and followed just as I had planned. She caught up, as I expected she would, and demanded I come to her igloo. I followed her back and she spoke to me once we were safely inside.

"We're together again." She announced, eyes twinkling.

"You and Scarface?" I asked stupidly.

"No! Looper!" I had no clue who Looper was. "Dooofus." She taunted, cuffing me with a flipper.

"You spelled it wrong again." I pointed out, once more reading her spelling.

She shrugged, scoffing, "I don't care."

I told her about me and Fugemonkeys and how she had proposed to me, but I had sort of kind of run off in the middle of it. That made her angry. Then she lowered her voice and hissed, "Can you keep a secret?" I nodded, even though anyone who knew me well enough knew that I would tell anyone a secret in exchange for a good show of drama. She told me, "First, it was a divorce with Looper. Then Scarface. And there was Derek…" She had totally lost me. Was she talking about Fugemonkeys or herself? Were they playa too? They didn't seem very good at it. At the end of her disconnected thoughts, I asked,

"So…you're saying Fugemonkeys is going to--?" I cut off. The door was opening with a chilling creak. What do ya know? In walked Fugemonkeys! Speak of the devil, much? She gaped at the sight in front of her, of me standing with Lelee.

"Hipengy…you and Lelee are going out?" Her beak hit the floor in astonishment. That's how much she was gaping.

I clamored to my feet. "No! Lelee was just telling me about Looper!"

Lelee immediately flared up. "I thought I could trust you!" She shrieked.

I turned around, wide-eyed with confusion. "Me…?" I started to ask, but then I saw her hatred directed at Fugemonkeys. Fugemonkeys started bawling when the door opened and Looper entered. He and Lelee started hearting while Fugemonkeys cried out some more, practically begging for attention. I tried to calm her when some purple penguin entered. "Hi." She randomly said. "Go away!" Lelee hissed and the penguin left in a hurry. Fugemonkeys was blubbering something about how everything was her fault, as always. She was so annoying. I felt like strangling someone. Then events took a horrifying turn. Actually, it was a very random turn, but horrifying sounds more dramatic and makes you want to keep reading. Anyways! Lelee ran away from her house, crying. Then Looper faced me. Looper was one of those tough guys…but you couldn't be sure. He kept changing outfits, and usually girls are the ones always trying on new clothes. For some reason, we ended up making friends instead of getting into a fight.

"Dude, you have got to lose her." I said, patting his shoulder sympathetically. He was silent. Fugemonkeys was still threatening to drown everyone in her tears and break the world record for loudest sob. Apparently, she still thought everyone was paying attention to her. Kind of the like the time I was getting into a fight with a burly friend of hers and the whole time she was demanding we play hide and seek with her. "It's all my fault! I am so stupid!" She wailed dramatically. Well, at least she knew that much.

I faced her, flaring up, "It's not your fault at all! It's all Lelee's fault…SHE HAS ISSUES!!!" Looper chuckled from behind me.

"Nice, Hip."

I turned to face Lelee standing in the doorway, wide-eyed. "HIPENGY!" She shrieked, angrier than ever. "I HEARD THAT! YOU LIED TO ME!" Hey, I lie to everyone. "FINE! I WILL ADMIT IT…I HAVE PROBLEMS! THERE! I CUFFESS! NOW ARE YOU HAPPY?!?!?" She looked me directly in the eyes, and I could see every inch of hatred. Instead of responding to her question, I simply said…

"You spelled confess wrong."

She screamed. Louder than ever. My eardrums exploded. My spinal cord snapped in two. I went blind in one eye. Well…she didn't scream that loud. But it sure was loud. And it didn't help that Fugemonkeys had just broken the record she had been trying to break. So I turned back to Looper to make friends as Lelee raged on. Finally, Fugemonkeys said she was leaving, and I took her back to my igloo. We were talking about random topics, when Looper came in, sighing, "Hip…you were so right."

Before I could ask what he meant, he had shut the door quietly. I closed my beak, staring at where he had been moments before. Was he giving up on Lelee? Who knew? Maybe he would be back with her again by tomorrow. Or maybe I would.

Fugemonkeys broke me out of my daze, by sniffing, "I'm never coming back to Club Penguin again. All I do is cause problems for everyone! I'm going and never coming back." Was she going to leave on a dangerous voyage? But…only Rockhopper and his freaks ever sailed so far away. This was all the penguins' homes. Or maybe…she was going to commit suicide! Yayyy—I mean NOOOO!

"What about me?" I asked timidly, turning away so she wouldn't see the twinkle in my eyes. "I'd miss you if you left!" Yeah, right.

"Hipengy!" She cried out, hugging me tightly, practically smothering me. "Then I won't leave. Not ever. I'll always be with you!"

Luckily, my face was pressed so hard into her chest that she couldn't hear me snickering. Or see the tears of laughter that were running down my face. But later on, I learned something that changed the whole dang thing.

Fugemonkeys and Lelee…were sisters.


	5. Evil Sisterhood vs Hipengy

**Awesome! I got a new reviewer/subscriber person! And, my story has the most reviews in the Club Penguin section! This calls for a party…or at least a new chapter!**

**Okay, so I wasn't going to put this chapter up (as you know, I only put up the good ones) but I figured everyone gets a lot of amusement out of the whole Lelee drama thing. Therefore, I decided I would put this up since it was the last major episode between us, at least for a while. This is also pretty much the end of Fugemonkey's debut. But the story is definitely not coming to a close! In fact, it's nowhere near. I have many more chapters up my sleeve after this and they get better and better as they go along. So here's the last chapter you'll see Lelee in for a while! **

**~Chapter 5: Evil Sisterhood vs. Hipengy**

It started out as an exciting day, but horror was in store. Everyone I knew was out and about…I tried to find Rhutter, so we could make mischief together, but I was unsuccessful and was forced to go solo for the day. This ended up with me getting stuck in Fugemonkey's house with Lelee, Looper and some guy called…Darkidangel. Ew. Everyone called him Dark, but I didn't like him at all. He was one of those punks like Scarface. Honestly, weren't these girls very good at picking guys? Well I guess they were at least 10% of the time. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been there.

Anyways, a huge war exploded between everyone almost instantly and no one was on my side as usual.

"You've been cheating on me!" I accused my "girlfriend" Fugemonkeys while pointing a flipper at the ugly punk that was hearting her while he drooled at the beak.

Fugemonkeys shook her head, looking as if she was ready to burst into tears. "No…I…"

Looper bellowed, "HIP. LEAVE. NOW."

"It isn't your house." I teased, screwing up my nose.

"HIP!" He roared furiously.

"My name isn't Hip." I retorted.

"Hipnegy." Lelee simpered as she was trying to get my attention, making a few hearts.

"That isn't it either!" I growled. Nobody could ever get my name right! It was always Hip, Pengy, or some horrible, gut-wrenching misspelling. And we all know how much good old Hipengy just _loves_ misspellings.

Dark was scowling at me. "Fugemonkeys, I need you! You're mine!"

"Nobody but Benjamin Linus can use that line!" I shouted, but my voice was lost in the sheer pandemonium of it all. For some reason, I don't exactly remember every word that was exchanged. My mind is blank probably because Lelee gave me drugs, most likely borrowed from Pinkwie's stash. Fugemonkeys kept running out to the lighthouse, crying, then running back to her house, pursued by the gang.

"Why are YOU even here you IDIOT?!" Dark demanded, blazing with fury.

"I always like a good show." I winked and waddled after them as Fugemonkeys made everyone chase her to the lighthouse for the fifteen time. Drama was always welcome in the House of Hipengy…even if we weren't in my house.

"Hipengy!" Lelee stopped me. "Hipengy, who do you pick. Fugemonkeys or me?" Ahh, sister rivalry. Well, I couldn't resist a chat with the most annoying girl I knew. So we settled into her igloo. "Fugemonkeys is obsessed with you. She talks about you all the time. But she'll cheat on you!" She chattered away quickly, trying to make herself look good from her sister's faults.

But at her words, I gasped and cried out, "No one cheats on the playa!" Wrong move.

She looked furious. "You've been cheating on her? Me?! With who!?"

Well, with both of you of course. See? I was cheating on her with you…and I was cheating on you with her! Oh, and of course there are about fifteen or sixteen other girls, but…we just won't mention them at the moment, now will we?

I was too busy being ignorant to answer. One event was falling after another including the event where I picked this girl named Aerostella over all of them…but she had to leave. Then Dark disappeared for a moment and Lelee with him…they probably left to go do something inappropriate. Just kidding! Don't worry, they just ran left to go buy a nice dress for Darky! Cause he's a freak…I mean, anyways, Looper wanted to see Fugemonkeys alone and so they did. I stood off, hidden, to the side of the igloo and pretended I wasn't there. The other two were so oblivious; they didn't take any notice of me and started talking.

"Fugemonkeys." The male who liked changing his clothes sounded distressed. "I just wanted you to know…I've always liked you, more than Lelee. I'm done with her, and Hipengy." Ha, so he had gotten together with both sisters too, huh? Not bad. But what did he mean _done with Hipengy_? Since when had we been a couple? Gross! "I like you but…I'll let Dark have you." Aww. I sighed inwardly. Why couldn't he let me have her? I could add her to the collection.

"Looper!" Fugemonkeys cried out, sounding like she was from a soap opera. There was a long silence. I shifted slightly in my hiding place. I moved so I could see what was going on. Fugemonkey's eyes shone with sadness, obviously disliking the fact she was now Dark's for the taking. Looper looked…exactly like me! I burst through the snow, out of my hiding place.

I jumped him, trying to rip his eyes out and to swipe that Santa hat and beard right off his face, screaming at him to take them off. Fugemonkeys shrieked, but Looper pushed me off, panting. "You heard all that?" He looked more outraged at the fact I had been eavesdropping than the fact that I wanted to kill him. Of course, the Club Penguin creators forgot to add in the "murder" feature to the site so instead of trying the impossible, I answered his question.

I nodded proudly. "I love a good show!"

By this time, I had both guys hating me and maybe the girls, but oh well. The show was over and it was time to go find something else to do.

"See ya." I told Fugemonkeys and left.

Looper groaned and turned the opposite direction, disappearing among the snow…I never saw him again. I hope he died. Or at least fell off a cliff. When he was gone, Fugemonkeys ran after me until we reached the snow forts. I halted on the snowy plains to confront her.

"Looper likes me but Dark has me…but I really like you…" She looked extremely nervous. Maybe she wanted to ask "Am I better than Lelee?" Like she had been asking a hundred times the day before.

"Are we together again?" I asked, looking away, playing hard to get.

"It's too soon." She said quietly, and I could tell she was thinking hard for once in her life. "Not yet. But maybe someday…again." She gave a smile and turned away to take her own path that would lead away from my own. I shrugged, knowing I would choose her over Lelee any day, but how was I supposed to know what the future held?

Unfortunately, that was my last exciting day I would spend with Fugemonkeys. We never got back together to become a couple once more. Even more unfortunately, the same thing couldn't be said for Lelee and me.

And so, one sister won over the other.


	6. A New Record!

**Finally, we're breaking away from the Lelee Chronicles! Now we can get back to everyone's favorite jerk, Hipengy. This chapter is decent, but it's the chapter that comes after this that I really like. It's the first chapter to declare my undying hatred for Rockhopper. Another chapter, that will come much later, will tell you what happened when I met him. It was…well…it was kind of mind-blowing. And creepy.**

**But that has nothing to do with this chapter so I'll shut up now.**

**~Chapter 6: A New Record!**

I randomly walked about town, not knowing where I was going or what I was doing. I saw no one I knew…no one…I was too bored to be true. I was trying to conjure ways to be evil when I felt someone breathing down my neck. I turned to see a scary purple penguin staring at me. Her name was…Parrot.

"Hi." I said, eyes wide, a little surprised that I didn't even have to work for this one.

"You're a boy?" She whispered in awe. I blinked a couple times. Well, at least she hadn't asked if I was a girl.

"Uh…yeah."

Dude! She had already made a heart! Was she trying to break the world record or what? I smiled cheekily and made one back. She squealed in delight, grabbed my flipper and began dragging me towards the igloo neighborhood. "My igloo!" At her boring, desolate igloo, there was nothing but hearts. We didn't even talk. My boredom meter, which had been high all day, was beginning to rise.

"What do you want to do?" I asked, desperate to leave, "I'll do anything you want…"

Apparently, she only heard the last part, because she began to act like she had complete control over me, like I was a slave. Now kids, remember to tell your guidance counselor if you're ever in an abusive teenage relationship! "Let's go sit in the plaza!" She demanded and so we went. We sat at the table (which is now gone thanks to the movie theater that replaced it) and an ugly brown penguin came over as we made hearts.

"Hipengy!" She (he?) said dreamily and made a heart. I looked dumbfounded. Heck, I didn't even know this freak…were they also going for the record? Why were girls so competitive?

"You're igloo!" Parrot said, looking disturbed.

"Who was that?" I asked when we got there, truthful for once.

She shrugged. "I don't know." At least she wasn't making accusations, like most other people have before. "I like you." Oh boy. More hearts. This was really boring. I wanted to do something fun and go play mancala (which no one can beat me at) but that seemed to good to be true as the hearts just kept coming and coming. Then she remembered she had control over me and demanded we go to the ice rink. We went and I saw that puck and…it was awesome! I played with some sports hog and an emo and I kicked it and it got wedged behind the net! Another time, it was everywhere at once! But I couldn't seem to get it in! The other two were getting all pissed off, which added to my enjoyment. Then Parrot sensed the fun I was having, and spoiled it all.

"Let's go Hipengy!" She hissed and turned to leave, not bothering to touch the puck. I gave a regretful glace at the rink before chasing after her like one of those boyfriends that is at his girlfriend's every beck and call to please her.

"Where to next?" I asked, tired and bored, finding this to be one of the most boring, fake relationships ever. Hey, they're all fake, but at least they aren't boring, right?

"Nightclub." She responded bitterly and we entered.

The crazy DG-, err, DJ was yelling at everyone to dance, and it was kind of funny. I danced, enjoying the booming music and the shrieking DJ. Parrot marched up to me, something stupid probably on her mind. Just as she opened her beak to voice whatever it was, the DJ screeched, "DANCE PARROT DANCE!!!!!!!" She closed her beak and proceeded to do the twist. Another nice looking girl came by and started talking to me, but the DJ forced her into dancing too. The DJ seemed nice, but a little insane.

"YA HIPENGY!!!!!!!!!" He yelled joyously as I took to doing a rap in the center. I was about to finish with a flip (haha, yea right) when Parrot led me away from the partying penguins to the upstairs lounge. I knew I would miss the nice girl and the fun-loving DJ, all thanks to this witch.

"Sit." She commanded.

I sat, feeling that I should probably start barking like a dog anytime soon since she was treating me like one. She sat across from me, a hard metallic glint in her eye. Then it softened and in came more hearts. She confessed how much she liked me. Then, in from the arcade, came I girl whose name I didn't even know nor learn. Now SHE was amazing. "I really like you." I told Parrot sweetly…smugly…and proceeded to make a heart. The pink newcomer saw this and either was trying to be funny or was extremely stupid…but she blurted out, "I like you too!" and made a heart. I stared at her, beak agape in wonder. This girl whose name I didn't even know had broken the record! Now she would be able to put her name down next to Fugemonkeys for the world's loudest sob.

"I have to go now." I yawned, looking at Parrot as the pink girl waited patiently for me to give her some hot lovin. Parrot didn't bother saying goodbye, just made a heart and left. I took her off my buddy list and that was the last of her, thank goodness. Then I looked over at the pink one. She quivered, probably trying to hold in the urge to smother me with hearts.

"How do you like me? In what way?" She asked, still oblivious to the fact I had been talking to another girl moments ago.

"In every way." I said as I hearted her. As in, I like the way you act so stupid and I like the way you'll react when I leave without putting you on my friends list.

I was too tired to stick around long so that ended my slightly eventful day.


	7. The Day Rockhopper Died

**I have nothing to say except that you guys rock. Seriously, I had no idea people would actually enjoy this story. Make sure you review this chapter because it is particularly a favorite of mine.**

**~Chapter 7: The Day Rockhopper Died**

I'm assuming that if your reading this, you know who Rockhopper is. In case you don't, allow me to explain. Rockhopper is a retarded red pirate penguin that sails around this dump of a sea to see what "treasure" he can find and take back to Club Penguin. The other penguins love him and practically worship the nitwit, but I sure don't. In fact, I completely despise the ugly bird. So one time, I made a rebellion, and a ton of weirdos got mad at me for it.

I guess I'll start at the very beginning where I had been keeping away from my stories for quite some time. Finally, I ventured out and met up with none of than Fugemonkeys! I was very surprised. She was lookin' gangsta! It was weird talking to her…she was still acting as if we weren't allowed to be a couple ever again. And yet, she couldn't help but ask if she was still better than Lelee so I "confessed" I chose her over Lelee.

"Tell your sister I think you're better." I had told her mischievously, not knowing whether this was a lie or the truth, but that doesn't matter. This chapter doesn't center on Fugemonkeys anymore than it centers on Flipengy the puffle.

Fugemonkeys eventually had to leave. Afterwards, I went on over to the cove that had been discovered not too long ago. It was nice—nicer than the beach. I took a dip in the shallow water and warmed myself by the campfire. Then some dork started ranting about…you guessed it…Rockhopper.

His name was Urty and he had some other guys helping him out as supporters. He sat upon the lifeguard chair, as if he was the most important penguin there. You wish, Urty…you _wish_.

"Everyone out of the water!" He screamed in a high, banshee-like voice, "If everyone leaves the water, Rockhopper will arrive! He should be here in about ten minutes!"

I had no idea where the loser had come up with such an idea, but all the suckers filed out of the water and left, some remaining to dry off by the fire. Of course…I remained. That didn't make Urty too happy.

"Get outta the water!" He screamed at me, "ROCKHOPPER WILL BE HERE IN FIVE MINUTES!!!"

"That's about as true as the iceberg tipping!" I retorted. I began to dance and throw snowballs at him, refusing to leave the bright blue water. I guess I must have looked pretty intimidating, because Urty freaked.

"I'm reporting you, Pengy!" Urty announced and his followers chimed in.

"Yeah, get out or we'll report you!"

"Get out! Get out!"

I paused. They just called me…Pengy?! That was sissy. I couldn't let that put me in overdrive, though. If the reports were coming in, I had to act good. Immediately, I switched from evil mode to completely innocent mode, which lies right next to pweas-take-pengy-home-wiff-you mode.

"But I wasn't doing anything wrong." I whimpered…fakely, of course. "I'm just swimming. You're mean!"

People started inviting me to the pizza parlor and mancala challenges, but I turned them down. Did they seriously think I was as stupid as they were? "I can't. I have to stay for the rebellion." I replied, excusing myself as someone asked me to come play Find Four with them. Urty was completely furious.

Some girls came, and didn't know what was going on. Alls they knew was that some *hot* penguin was in the water, refusing to move, acting cool while all others were spazzing. Here came the first girl, a pinkie wearing a jaunty bandana and other accessories. Her name was Melisa…I hope she knew that her name was spelled wrong.

"You're cool." She admitted. "Wanna go out with me?"

For some reason, I became wary at that moment. Paranoia, as we all know, can sometimes be your enemy. More often than not, it can sometimes be your friend. It keeps you from getting shot, stabbed, or worse…tranquilized by fangirls. Anyways, I felt as if Fugemonkeys were watching me and I responded truthfully…for once.

"Sorry, I got a girl." I held my flipper in front of her face to push her away, not bothering to correct myself by telling her that I had ten. She stumbled back, looking shocked that she had been turned down…but she wasn't going to give up that easily. She was going to be as persistent as the Great Urty himself.

"ROCKHOPPER IS GONNA BE HERE IN TWO MINUTES!" Urty shrieked from the shoreline, his followers starting to disappear, giving up on the stubborn penguin that resided in the water. Another girl came forward and her name was AeGirl. She seemed nice, but I was wrong. We'll get to that in a minute.

Finally, the time came and Urty had lost all saneness by then. He ran about the cove, yelling, "HIPENGY IS A VILLIAN! HIPENGY RUINED ROCKHOPPER!" He made it sound as if I had ruined Christmas, only, apparently, ruining Rockhopper was fifty times worse.

"Bad Pengy!" AeGirl laughed. "Go to your igloo! Now!" I flinched at the word 'Pengy.'

Suddenly, Urty, Melisa, and some other pink girl surrounded me on all sides, cutting off every escape route…and they were all saying naughty potty words. Now, I may be evil, but I have a high vendetta against swearing and I never dirty my mouth with such profane words, but oh no, not them! They got right in my face and said, "Hipengy is a dumb…" Uh… 'A' word…the other word for donkey.

Dude, I sent my report in like a flash, without even threatening to. See, when penguins want you to stop being mean they threaten to report you. When Hipengy wants you to stop being stupid, he reports you anyway without a single sign. Take your pick.

So after swearing at me and insulting me, which I really didn't mind (I love hearing the sound of my name!) Melisa and AeGirl totally hated me. Maybe it was the Rockhopper deal, maybe it was AeGirl being there, maybe it was that I had turned her down…I don't know! But Melisa made her hate clear to me.

"You might as go with AeGirl!" She snarled.

AeGirl got up in my face. "Hipengy! Choose! Me, Melisa, or Tink?"

I blinked stupidly. Who the heck was Tink?! Oh! It was that random pink penguin that was swearing at me. Right. Like I would pick her…or any of them!

So I mustered the gayest voice I could muster and declared, "I pick Urty!" I waddled over to him and made a ton of hearts. The girls gaped and Urty started screeching like a lunatic. It was one of my best accomplishments in a long time! The freak just totally fled for the hills. The girls, looking to one another in shock, parted ways.

Soon enough, everyone who hated me was gone with the wind. Still, I never left the shallow water. Once I was sure I was triumphant, I stepped out of the cold water, splashing it onto the snow and sand. I shook the wet droplets from my soaked feathers and thrust out my white chest impressively.

"The rebellion…has ended!" I blared and marched away for home.


	8. Alaskan Idiot

**Bleargh. School. We're all suffering from it at the moment, so why not take the time to brighten things up with a new chapter.**

**~Chapter 8: Alaskan Idiot**

Let's see…the next girl. Not a great story, but worth writing down. I was hanging at the cove, no doubt one of my new favorite places, when an ugly brown penguin wearing a whistle and a red bandana came dashing by.

"Everyone walk to the Nightclub!" Brownie shouted and disappeared. Nobody moved. I shrugged and, with nothing else to do, began to make my way towards the bustling town. I came inside the club and looked around. No one. Oh well. I positioned myself at the center of the dance floor and began rocking away. Penguins entered and exited, all giving me weird glances as they headed to the arcade upstairs. I snorted. Like I was the weird one. Then that ugly brown one came back, saw me, and waddled over.

"…Can we be friends?" Okay. Sure. Didn't matter. Then Brownie headed over to the corner and started making little hearts. Oh! It was a girl penguin! I wanted to slap myself. I had just been criticizing these penguins for being too stupid to recognize certain genders too! Then I decided it was because she looked like a man, not because I was an idiot. Oh and her name, as it turns out, was Alaska. We went to the pizza place, but it was too crowded so we ended up in the out-of-service coffee place. I challenged her to a game of mancala and we sat down to it.

Boy was I surprised! She was making all the moves I would have made! The game was close, and I didn't even see who won in the end. Probably me. Let's just go with that. Then we went sled racing, and of course I won that. Uh…then we went to visit each of our igloos in turn. "We have a lot in common!" She declared as we both took our red puffles out for a walk. I highly doubted that, although she was the first good mancala challenger I had gone against for a while.

Pizza place, again. There were still no seats, so we sat on the stage. "Waitor." She called, over and over again. It wasn't helping, and I could see she was getting annoyed.

"Be right back." I told her and came up to the desk where three bosses sat. I glowered. Sure, they can afford bosses, but no waiters!

"WE NEED SOME SERVICE OVER HERE!" I blasted in their faces, sounding more like a trumpeter swan than a goofy penguin. Some others turned to stare. Each of the boss's faces hardened, but I doubted they had a security, if they didn't have waiters. "GET SOME WAITORS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" I yelled again. A penguin wearing an ice cream apron waddled over.

"Can I have a job?" She asked tentatively.

"Yes! Be a waitor!" I commanded, acting as if I were the boss. The other two bosses looked furious and the last one just looked stupid.

"Come serve us." I lead the new worker over to wear Alaska waited.

"Would you like some ice cream, Alaska?" The penguin asked as Alaska stood up.

"I'm leaving!" Alaska snarled penguin-like and left.

The penguin blinked and moved on to the next impatient customer. I quickly followed the nice waitress and thanked her. "I apologize for her behavior." I mumbled and left. I found Alaska crying outside the parlor. In common? I don't think so…

"I'm sorry." She muttered.

"For what?" I asked, tipping my head to the side curiously.

"Leaving…" She sniffed and then stood up. She said she wanted to go to the secret agent HQ, but then she said she wanted to go to her house, but in the end, I found myself heading for the Dance Club. We paused in the Boiler Room, beneath it all. Alaska painted herself blue and then put her whistle and bandana back on.

"I'm in disguise." She whispered, eyes darting side to side. Oh great. This reminded me of my old girl Cutypi, the on who always wanted to play hide-and-seek non-stop. "Get in disguise!" She demanded.

"What should I wear?" I asked casually.

"Anything!" I nodded and turned around, slipping off my irresistible Santa hat and beard. When I turned back around, I was wearing the classic huge nose, 'stache, and glasses.

"No." She said eyes narrowed in annoyance.

I smiled evilly and took it off, turning around once more. This time I put on a pair of blue bunny ears. She didn't look any happier when I turned to face her again.

"No." She repeated.

The Leprechaun hat…

"No."

The Beanie…

"No."

My Santa Suit…

"No."

The 'stache and glasses again.

"No."

I was beginning to think her definition of anything was nothing.

I was getting into my sailor outfit when she demanded we go to her igloo. On our way there, I noticed Lelee and Fugemonkeys out and about. We sprinted inside the igloo. I slammed the door.

"Quick! Lock the door!" I screeched. Alaska looked at me quizzically. "Err…what should I wear?" I asked, adjusting my fake beard. Alaska blinked, still suspicious.

"Why lock the door?"

I asked the question again, but she was a persistent little bug and wanted to know why to lock the door.

"I don't know." I replied, smiling weakly as if it were a joke.

"HQ." She demanded and I nervously followed, knowing the other two girls I had spotted earlier were also in the HQ. On the way, my mind was blacking out with panic. We got there and a little party was happening.

"Dance! Party!" Some penguin that looked like a prom queen shouted. Three others partied and we joined them, but I was nervous. Then…Lelee entered. I slipped on my 'stache and glasses to "get in disguise" and proceeded to dance under the desk. Everyone looked at me strangely. Like I was the strange one. Seriously, what is wrong with penguins? Why do they always look at me like I'm the crazy one? So I climbed onto the desk, and slid under a pile of papers. Lelee didn't see me. Thank goodness! But Alaska was watching me carefully.

"Hipengy?" She asked quietly. Lelee stood off to the side, her expression searching. Hopefully, Alaska wouldn't give away my posit--"HIPENGY!" Alaska bellowed, looking angry. I felt as if I had been trying to escape a prison and a huge searchlight had just spotted me as I had been climbing over the fence. Lelee was inching towards me.

"Hipengy…hey, Hipengy, are we still friends?" I knew what she was getting at. Alaska looked infuriated now, wondering how I knew Lelee. Lelee still didn't know much about Alaska. I had no escape—there was no other option. I saw the secret spy-transporting device, many different screens of all the locations in Club Penguin. There was no time to choose which one to teleport with. I leaped! Shoom! I was teleported to…Augh! The sports shop! The sports shop was right outside the Secret HQ!

Alaska pushed through the secret curtain and Lelee followed. Lelee started making hearts at me. I stuck my tongue out and turned away. Alaska must have thought I meant her, because she let out a long wail. Then she ran away, tears flooding across her ugly face. I took off in the opposite direction. When I looked over my shoulder, I saw that Lelee was chasing me. I ran out of the Sports Shop, away from the Ski Lodge, past the dock, until I was in the crowded town. I pushed my way through the penguins and dove into the nearest snow bank. The top of my head showed, but at least I could see. Not long after that, Lelee came waddling through town. She looked around for a long time while I hid in the snow bank, holding my breath. Finally, she left.

"Woo…that was close." I sighed, emerging from my snowy hiding place. Too many close calls for one day. I headed home and slept well that night.


	9. Chaos Ensues

**Ha, I just got off of Club Penguin with one of our readers (cheesecake) and stupid Rockhopper. Of all the people to run into! Since I'm not making a story of what happened, I'll just tell you here. **

**Rockhopper (who is not a robot) came to the cove all happy and was all "Arr wanna hear a story me maties?" and all of his followers were like "Yeah! Story!" And I was all "NO!" so during the whole story I stood in front of Rockhopper screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" So no one could see what he was saying. Everyone got really mad and Rockhopper, or whoever is controlling Rockhopper, had to type in all caps to try and get a word in. Unfortunately, he couldn't beat the Hipster and ran off as soon as he finished his lame story. Then everyone blamed me and cried over stupid old Rockhopper. I'm surprised I wasn't banned. **

**Oh, but you still haven't read the chapter where I was like the only one in the room with him and discovered he wasn't a robot…that was the mind-blowing scary experience I had…but it's not time for that chapter yet!**

**It's time for THIS chapter!**

**~Chapter 9: Chaos Ensues**

It all started when I met this girl. I think her name was Skigirl. She was pink with nothing more to her name. She was dull and BO-ring. Plus she stunk at Find Four. I think I just randomly met her on the streets and she invited me to her igloo.

There, we proceeded to sit there like idiots doing nothing.

"You start." She told me.

I had no idea what she wanted me to do, so I just asked, "What are your hobbies?" Oh. Skiing…duh. Then I got really bored so I invited her to a game or two of Find Four. We played about ten times—I won every single game. It was funny! But then we went to my igloo this time.

About ten seconds later, none other than Qushwa Kazoo entered! He was a burly penguin, a lot like Looper, but unlike most burly penguins, we got along.

"Qushwaaaa!" I shouted my traditional greeting to him.

"Hey Hip." He said his normal one.

I stuck my tongue out and he stuck his own tongue out. I winked and looked happy. He looked mad and then winked. We played this emotional game for about five minutes when Skigirl started crying. I turned to make a heart. She made one, but then I turned back to Qushwa, to continue our pointlessness.

"Bye Hipengy." Skigirl pouted and turned to leave.

"Wait!" I went to run after her, but paused and looked back at my buddy. "Qushwa I think you'd better leave." I said, the disappointment clear in my voice.

He shrugged, "See ya." and exited.

"Who was she?" Skigirl shrilled as I caught up with her.

I looked at her, astounded. "HE was my buddy."

"Ooh." She said in amazement, as if she couldn't believe Qushwa was a guy. Actually, what Qushwa was wearing that day looked manlier than five Clipits put together. And that's really manly.

We went to get pizza. Some Fuzzywuzz person came up and started making hearts at me while I sat at a table. Skigirl looked put out. Then, right at the same time, both asked if I wanted to be a couple! I screamed for mercy and ran outta the pizza parlor. They followed.

Then, good old Qushwa saved the day, inviting me to the coffee shop. "Help me win this water balloon battle." He told me as a blue balloon splattered us with water. Yes, since it was the summer party, penguins now threw water balloons instead of snow. But I eagerly joined in. It didn't take long until Skigirl was at my side.

"My igloo." She fumed. I followed her inside, leaving Qushwa to fend for himself.

"I'm breaking up with you." She declared.

"YESSSS!" I shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD!"

She blinked stupidly. I was overjoyed—no I was exuberant! Ah, heck, they mean the same thing but…I was just really, really happy! Some events of the following were: telling Qushwa the good news…getting together with Fuzzy but breaking up almost instantly…and meeting up with Rhutter in town.

"Watch this." I told him slyly, as we stood at the heart of Club Penguin, "Eighty to be my lady!" Three girls waddled over, shouting eighty at the top of their lungs. Two more followed a minute later. They got on either side of me, blocking any path of escape. All were demanding to be my friend or be their guy. But I usually go with the one that invites me to their igloo first…and that was Suiteb.

Suiteb was boring and wanted to sit around making hearts. Dare I say she was more boring than Skigirl? Yes I do. We went to the pizza parlor. As if that made anything more interesting. Alls she wanted to do was make hearts.

"IS THIS ALL THERE IS TO LIFE!" I screamed in her face. My response was another heart. Two other girls from nearby hovered there hopefully, trying to talk to me. Two more kept sending me mail to invite me to places. Another waddled over to ask if I would go out with her. That makes at least 10 today!

Like before, I took off running outside, screaming. Two more pursued me. Suiteb and Wattler. I escaped to my igloo, editing my buddy list so they couldn't follow me. Inside was Rhutter. Good. I needed Rhutter here.

"I haven't gotten any." He pouted. Poor Rhutter. Luck was never on his side.

I opened my mouth to reply, but in came Suiteb! Lock picker! How'd she get in?! I snarled at her, the best snarl I could muster for being a penguin.

"Why are we broken up? Why am I off?" She said blankly.

"I'll tell you why…" I said coldly, narrowing my eyes. I was ready to have another truth explanation. "Because today, I've had about ten girlfriends. All inviting me places and crowding me. I can't stand it…so I took all of you off my list."

She studied me for a while. "Sure." She said sarcastically. I glowered menacingly. I had just told the truth too! That was a big accomplishment for someone like me.

"I mean it!" I growled.

"He means it." Rhutter echoed.

"I can't help it I'm so much more good-looking than you." I smoothed back my Santa hat. She looked annoyed—a lot.

"No!" She hissed.

"Yes." I mocked.

"Be quite." She mumbled angrily.

"It's spelled quiet! Q-U-I-E-T!" Rhutter shouted in her face, backing me up. Then Rhutter randomly said, "Hipengy is a ghost penguin." I laughed inwardly but decided to play along.

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Future." I said, wide-eyed, pointing to my Santa hat.

She laughed, "Oh be quite." I think she thought we were still a couple. I randomly hearted. She looked stunned. "Did you just heart me?"

"I did just heart you." I responded in a monotone voice.

She kept spelling stuff wrong. After a minute, she commanded, "Lose the Santa."

"Don't diss the Santa! Now you're getting coal for Christmas!" I hissed.

She laughed again. "Lose the Santa." She insisted. Why wouldn't she take me seriously?

"Yes master. Whatever you say." I said sourly, starting to remove everything. Luckily, I was stripping in my own home so no one could arrest me. Then I pulled out the bunny hood! "Hop hop hop." I hopped about the room. "Now I'm the Easter Bunny!" I felt gay.

"Pizza." She invited and we walked out, me still doing my best impressions of the bunny. We made it. There were no seats so we sat on stage. I kept saying the word hop. Surprisingly, she didn't get mad. She just laughed some more.

"Lose the bunny." She wasn't any better than Alaska! I glared and put on my famous big nose and glasses complete with the classic mustache.

"How's this?"

"Grose." She smirked.

"You know you spelled gross wrong." Rhutter pointed out, still tagging along. Then he got bored and left to go find another girl. Thanks a lot Rhutter. Well…after that she never told me to remove my glasses so I stood there with them on, looking like a retard. "Sit." She demanded.

"Yes Master." I grumbled, sitting in the corner. Penguins kept staring.

"I'll be right back." She giggled. "You stay here."

As soon as she left, I left. I never wanna go through that again!


	10. More Rockhopper Antics

**Aww, so many great reviews leaving such nice reviews! As a reward, you get an early update! Plus, this chapter contains TWO chapters! Aren't you lucky! Or unlucky, depending on how you look at it. And also, remember that these were written years ago so this takes place when you couldn't get into Rockhopper's stupid Captain's Quarters. (Oh and cheesecake, believe it or not you witnessed a miniature one of these schemes when we were hanging out that day).  
**

**The Short-Lived Chapter:**

Almost right away, I went to go make more mischief, lingering in the town for a while. There was this crybaby. I think I was invisible to her, because I kept saying stuff she wouldn't answer and when somebody else came along she heard them fine! Meanwhile, there was this girl who was all, "Who'd you say was annoying? Which girl is annoying?" And it's like, dude, I didn't say anyone was annoying. So I said to her face, "You." And left just like that. LOL!

But that's not the real chapter. This is.

**~Chapter 10: More Rockhopper Antics**

Well we all know I've gone into how much I hate Rockhopper before. So here's some more for you to work with—Rockhopper keeps his door locked with a stinky little note that says something like…"ARRYOUBEACURIOUSBUNCHBUTIBEKEEPINMYDOORCLOSEDFORNOWARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!"

So all the little penguins wander the club in circles, trying to figure out where Rockhopper is…or at least where his key is. But everyone is more interested in finding the "big man" himself. I think I've heard the words "where's Rockhopper" more than anything. Except "do you" and "boy or girl."

Now that we've got through that, let's get to the story.

I was in the cargo hold on the ship, taking a free item. It was a fishing rod. I examined the end. Darn. No hook. The beady eyes of penguins were to be safe from me forevermore. Oh well. I tucked it away, glancing at the stupid note that everyone was clustered around, reading it repeatedly and shouting about it. The note was there every time he pulled into the harbor. Why would it be any different now?

Then the best thought struck me. These suckers would fall for anything. So…why not…?

I left the ship and stood on the sandy beach. Ohh, I could just imagine how this was going to turn out. Today the club was crowded and it was perfect for my evil scheme. I cleared my throat and called out, "I found Rockhopper! FOLLOW ME FOR ROCKHOPPER!" One lady that had apparently been searching for the ugly pirate all day beamed. "Thank you!" She gasped and went to stand beside me. As soon as I spoke those lines, buddy requests came pouring in. A small group was on my tail as I made my way over to the dock, less crowded. "FOLLOW ME FOR ROCKHOPPER!" Rang out the cry again. I saw the group swell along with my confidence. These guys were so gullible. I could have even convinced them that the iceberg would tip if you performed an interpretive dance while singing Thriller in five different languages.

The ski lodge was the same way—FOLLOW ME FOR ROCKHOPPER! I couldn't stop shouting. This was great. This was insane. I backtracked to the dock, the enthusiastic folk never parting company. Then to the town, the heart of Club Penguin, where I knew I would pick up the most followers. I shouted that same phrase at least three times.

"Hurray!" Cried the first girl as she waited for me to spread the news. "Hurray! Hurray!" The other penguins followed suite, cheering like a bunch of idiots. I smiled. I was Hipengy, leader of the retard parade and mentally challenged.

Through the snow forts, I began to laugh. The penguins made happy faces behind me, also laughing. They thought I was laughing about how happy Rockhopper made me feel.

Let's get this straight—the only thing Rockhopper makes you feel is like crap.

Entering the plaza, I took into account that I now had a sea of penguins in my wake. Some would rush past me in their excitement, then double back to make sure they stayed close to their leader. When I stopped, they all stopped. Heehee! I felt like a kid in a candy store! Suddenly, a shiver ran down my back as I realized that this was the exact same fashion everyone treated Rockhopper when he came to town. Oh well. At least I wasn't ugly. Besides, I _deserved_ to have people worshipping me. He didn't.

So going through the forest, I shouted it again and the last of my swarm joined forces. Then we entered the cove where I shouted one more time before realizing the jig was up and I had come to a dead end. There was no way I could have gone on any longer. I paused in the shallow water and the penguins gathered around me. At least twenty of them had requested to be my buddy, and twice as much had followed me. I waited patiently for the explosion…

"Where's Rockhopper?" A retard asked.

"There!" I shouted pointing at a rock. I hopped onto it. "Rockhopper!" To help them be a little more imaginative, I hopped up and down, while saying "Hop. Hop." for those who couldn't see in the back.

Eh. They didn't get it. Personally, I found it very clever. I suppose their IQ's were too low to appreciate a good-hearted joke because they started shouting that I lied and Rockhopper wasn't coming and it was my entire fault. As always. I think at least fifty penguins were up against me. I saw the first idiot girl, standing there like I had destroyed her life. I knew what was coming.

"Everyone report Hipengy!" The cry swelled throughout the sea of idiots. I slipped off my outfit, popped on my famous glasses, and hopped off the rock to get lost in the crowd. Everyone was stumbling about confused, some trying to get their flippers on me to send in a report while most of them were still asking where Rockhopper went. In all of the chaos, I made my getaway, but not before getting a few dozen reports being sent in about my playful prank. I must have gotten more reports than buddy requests that day. Nothing out of the ordinary. I had probably gotten reported more times than any other penguin in the Club yet I had never gotten banned and that left me feeling proud. So I left, the penguins behind me sending in one last report before adding me onto their Ignore List for good.

Cool. More people hate me than love me. Well I guess that figures.


	11. When I Was A Terrorist

**Thanks for the reviews! They are much appreciated. It's interesting to see what you guys think of the sticky situations I get myself into and it pleases me when you share what you would have done in my place. As always, keep reviewing and I'll keep writing. Ah and the next chapter contains a special treat...it's from someone else's point of view...see if you can guess who I'm talking about.**

**~Chapter 11: When I was a Terrorist**

"Airplane at N2341 on the map!"

That was the cry that had started a fun day that day. I immediately went to N's place, but instead of finding a plane out of this dump, I found a house, fashioned to look like a plane on the inside. There were rows of comfy green chairs. Everyone was getting in his or her seats, but I suppose I should say _her _seats because the whole crew consisted of girls, except for my best buddy Rhutter. He came in and sat down too, but a blank stare overcame his face as he went into sleep mode.

N was standing with his special assistant. We'll call him Assistant, because I forgot his name. They were both burly penguins, which I never really got along with, aside from Qushwa Kazoo. They were walking around, acting like important flight attendants. I snuck on up to the "controls" which was really a hamster wheel and a stereo thingy.

If they were going to play pretend I would play along. N was next to me, looking on quizzically as I shoved him from the wheel.

"I'M A TERRORIST! I'M GOING TO CRASH THIS PLANE!" I roared, swinging the wheel left and right. Penguins in the back started screaming after some realizing to do.

"HIPENGY! HIPENGY THE THIEF! HIPENGY THE EVIL GENIUS! HIPENGY THE TERRORIST! HIPENGY!" I ranted like a maniac.

N and Assistant weren't too happy and began to pelt me with balloons. They had no effect as the small amounts of water splashed on my arms and feet.

"You're washed up!" Assistant told me triumphantly.

"No I'm not." I stuck my tongue out at his angry face. "I'm invulnerable to water."

Everyone paused and stared at me. I spoke once more, "I'm invulnerable to water." Still, no one moved. I nearly fell over. "That means water can't harm me!" Everyone started screaming again and the guard dudes were yelling at me to leave. "WE'RE GOING DOWN!" I yelled over their screams. "WE'RE HEADED STRAIGHT FOR WATER!" More shrieks. This was very dramatic, considering we were just inside some little random igloo.

Then N got the idea to annoy the snot out of me. "Relax." He drawled to the passengers as they all had heart attacks, with the exception of Rhutter. (Probably fantasizing about his new girl Pinky!) "The plane is set on auto pilot."

Some paused and relaxed, but the rest continued to spaz. I stopped trying to massacre the hamster wheel, and looked back at N curiously.

"The plane is set on auto pilot." He repeated and the crowd began to settle down. I didn't want that.

"No it isn't!" I laughed. "I turned it off! We're going to crash!"

N fumed and dived at the hamster wheel, trying to wrestle it away from me.

"I got the wheel!" He cried triumphantly.

Everyone yayed.

"No you don't! I have it!" I screeched back, sticking a foot in his face.

Everyone awwed.

Assistant stepped forward, trying to act as if nothing were wrong. "We have landed on Hawaii. Please unbuckle your seatbelts for…"

I stepped in front of him and spoke loudly so no one could hear him. "WE CRASHED IN OAHU! WE KILLED MILLIONS! NOW THEY WONT BE ABLE TO SHOOT LOST ANYMORE AND ITS ALL N'S FAULT!"

Everyone was wondering what Lost was when N stomped over to the kitchen area, trying to conceal his anger. He disappeared in the refrigerator, which I suppose was the substitute for a bathroom. Weird. I took my place at the counter as the penguins piled up for snacks. Except Rhutter, over in his own little world in the back seat.

"Would you like some poisoned cake?" I asked sweetly.

I got about five no's as an answer.

"What about some poisoned pie?" I questioned tartly.

I was once again met with negativity. "No poisoned stuff!" One lady shouted angrily. Hmm…not a big fan of mine, I suppose.

"We have moldy bread." I offered.

Everyone ewwed and one went away to sit down again. N stepped out in a chef uniform. "Who wants pizza?" He cheered and began tossing the pizza pie up and down. Kramer! Sorry, keep reading.

"That pizza has mold on it!" I told the little children. More of them ewwed. This was fun! N glared at me.

"Well, anyone want fish?" He tried.

"I would like some." One girl said happily, although half were already sickened and heading back for their seats.

"Okay, I'll chop it up and cook it." He offered and started slicing away on a brown cutting board. Still behind the desk, I walked over to her.

"That fish is rotting. He's trying to kill you." I told her with wide eyes. That pretty much got everyone out of there. N glowered, still refusing to give in. He began to walk away, towards the controls. I beat him to it. I turned from Evil Terrorist Hipengy to Evil Pilot Hipengy. "Where does everyone want to go next?"

One girl shouted something about Alaska and three others followed, so I "lifted off" to Alaska…luckily, they meant the state and not the desperate penguin. But N and Assistant were going on about how we wouldn't lift off till I was off the plane. Like that would happen! Then the guys were all grouchy saying that they were going to China, but the passengers wanted Alaska…so I was gonna give them Alaska.

"EVERYONE REPORT HIPENGY!" Assistant screamed. I yawned. How many times have I heard that one?

"No, don't report Hipengy!" My small fan club retaliated.

"Report Hipengy! Report Hipengy!" One girl shrieked about twelve times.

"We're going to Alaska!" I yelled. I looked over at N next to me. This buff guy was trickling tears all over the floor! He fled to a corner cough of the igloo and bawled his gleaming diamond pupils out.

Assistant asked what was wrong. "I can't handle this!" He sobbed, pointing at me and dashing out of the igloo. Assistant chased after him.

"Ladies and gentle…Rhutter…we have arrived in Alaska! Don't forget your free cookies on the way out." I trumpeted and they yayed some more. I strutted over to the door and opened it, letting the ladies and a still half dead Rhutter file out. One stood in the middle, staring blankly.

I walked over, smiling. "Thank you." I bowed.

She blinked back into reality and sped out the door. I smiled, standing in the middle of the plane. "I WON! I WIN! I AM THE SURVIVOR! I EMPTIED THE PLANE! I WIN! I WIN!" Assistant entered, looking around wide-eyed.

"I cleared everyone out." I told him innocently.

He narrowed his eyes, beak curling up in a sarcastic scowl. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."


	12. The Puffle Sitter and The Mental Case

**Okay, sorry the special surprise of someone else narrating the story isn't in this chapter.**

**I got so many reviews that I decided I had to put up a new chapter. I have 35 reviews in all! Can you believe it? Much thanks to all of you!**

**Well, back to what I was talking about, half of my Hipengy chapters are on my computer and the other half are on the laptop and the one I was going to put up next is on my laptop, which lost its Internet. So when I put up that chapter I'll tell you in the author's note. Otherwise, don't expect it for a while.**

**Well I hope you enjoy the latest installment in these chronicles. The girl encountered in this one is probably one of the weirdest yet.**

**~Chapter 12: The Puffle Sitter and the Mental Case**

I looked at my oddly short buddy list. That was not a good sign. That meant that there I needed to catch up on plotting the demise of penguins. So I had just left my igloo to take a stroll around the club, passing the beach. A confused little red penguin was running around in circles, screeching at the top of her lungs. "Help!!!!!!!!!!" Three or four people gathered around, me being as one of them. This psycho's name was Bree, by the way.

They questioned her whereabouts. "Help!!!!!!!!!!" She screamed again. "I'll help." I said. She continued to flap her arms hysterically, her eyes bulging as they rolled around in her head. The other penguins gave up, but I didn't. "I'll help." I said over and over again, but to know avail. Finally, I managed to get her attention with a loud, "I'LL HELP!" which ended up popping one of my lungs and breaking the windows of the nearby lighthouse.

She stopped running around like a crazed lunatic to stare me in the face with slightly crossed eyes. Chest heaving, she gasped, "Help. I. Need. Go. Pizza. Parlor. For. Job. Sit. My. Puff."

I blinked stupidly. By now, the other three had left out of pure annoyance. I remained, bobbing up and down on my toes, trying to make sense of her short gasps of air. In short, she was freaking me out.

"Um…um…meet you at the parlor?" I guessed frantically.

She nodded mutely and we dashed there. Inside the crowded parlor she stood in front of me, waving her flippers frantically. Her eyes were wide and unseeing. Her beak clacked senselessly as she gasped each word at a time. "Help!!!!!"

"I am helping…" I growled.

"I. Get. Job. At. Parlor. You. Watch. Puffle. Sit. While. I'm. Gone. Now. Come. To. My. Igloo."

She wanted me to sit on her puffle?! Oh, she wanted me to puffle sit…

I was still bobbing up and down on my toes nervously. Her attitude made me feel like I was causing her a heart attack. Heck, her attitude made me feel like I was causing _myself_ a heart attack. I agreed, eyes wide open to match her own. "Okay, but you have to add me to your buddy list."

She nodded enthusiastically and added me. We went to her igloo where I saw a fat blue puffle sleeping lazily inside the igloo. He was obviously spoiled.

"Alright. Puffle. Sit. Puff." She wheezed, giving me that jumpy feeling again. "While. I. Go. Get. Job." With that, she left the igloo without a simple word of thanks.

_Calm down Hipengy. This girl has problems. That's no reason for her to give you a heart failure…_ I thought staring at the puffle as it let out a deafening burp. I sat down, yawning. The puffle looked contented enough. Besides, I wasn't going to be the one to send it to its grave by over feeding it.

Then I decided to have some fun. I painted myself blue and got out one of my blue water wings. I went to stuff Puff inside of it, trying my best to hide him from view.

I spoke aloud to myself, "I'm sorry, Bree, but Puff ran away and I…I…"

Bree entered, looking around for Puff.

"Bree, Puff ran away!" I shouted. But Puff charged out of his hiding place to go and greet his owner, asking for another helping of sloppy Puffle O's. She smiled and obliged.

"Hiper. You. Me. Pizza. Parlor. Get." She told me.

Hiper? How did she get Hiper from Hipengy?! I couldn't stand it anymore. "TALK IN SENTENCES GIRL!!!" I shrieked.

"Sorry." She frowned, talking normal for once in her life.

So we played Find Four. I guess she didn't know you could win diagonal because she was making the most obvious of moves. I won, as always. Then she said she had to go back to the pizza parlor.

"Where I meet you after this?" She seemed to have trouble being literate.

"Ski lodge." I said. She agreed. After playing a few rounds of Find Four (and winning) with other penguins, I got bored and headed back to her igloo. She stood there, gaze fixed on the opposite wall. For a minute, I thought I had given her a brain tumor, but she seemed to be having an internal meltdown. Puff was sleeping on the floor, his three chins quivering as he snored.

I waited for Bree to come back to reality. I waved a flipper at her. Then I yelled, "BREE, PUFF IS DEAD!" No response. I smirked. "BREE!" I shrieked. "PUFF IS UP IN FLAMES! HE'S GOING DOWN! I CAN'T SAVE HIM! I CAN'T! AHH! AHH! IT'S HOPELESS! HE'S BURNING UP! WE'RE TOO LATE…TOO LATE…I COULDN'T SAVE HIM! HE'S DEAD!" She still didn't move, standing with the same blank expression. I sidled up to her, looking sad. "And so…" I whispered in a quavering voice. "Bree sprinkled Puff's ashes into the cove by the sea. The End."

I left laughing and never saw the mental case again.


	13. RedEyed Beast

**Hey again. This chapter is much later in the Hipengy Chronicles but it doesn't really fit in with the others or follow the Lelee or Rockhopper storylines so I thought I would put it up. This one was really fun to write and it was nice taking a break from the usual.**

**Do tell me what you think. I can write pretty darn well when I want to.**

**~Chapter 13: Red-Eyed Beast**

The crying girl was just behind the trees, half-buried in the snow, her legs crumpled beneath her. Her breath came in shaking gasps as she buried her face in her hands, trying to wipe up the frozen tears that stained her face. Little did she know she was sitting next to the large rock that was my den.

Her great mistake.

I crept from my cover in the bushes, slowly coming closer and closer, one pawstep after the other. There was no way she could hear my silent attack over her loud sobs. I was mere feet away from sinking my teeth into her flesh. I could almost feel the taste of blood. Unable to bear the suspense, I leaped from my hiding spot and snarled, pulling my lips back to show her my glistening fangs. She shrieked.

My eyes turned red at the sight of the human, a blonde-haired girl, as she scrambled away from me. I bounded after her, scattering snow in my wake. She screamed for help, but I was too quick. With a great surge forward, I fixed my jaws around her arm and bit down. The world around me turned red and I tasted the delicious blood on my tongue and heard the fast beating of her heart.

Tears poured from her face as her body went limp with defeat, still wailing for someone to rescue her. Suddenly, there was a blur of black and my grip loosened as I was knocked off my feet.

I leapt up, growling, to face my attacker. He was black, like me, his eyes slowly turning red. But this wolf's anger was directed at me—not the child. I howled and lashed out with clawed paws. He drew back, but I was immediately upon him. The rival wolf yelped as I dug my fangs into his shoulder, wincing at the taste of his coarse fur coat. With a great heave, he threw me off. As I was recollecting myself, he moved and pinned me to the ground. With a defiant snarl, I raked my hind legs along his belly and he drew back, howling.

More wolves appeared from the trees. From the safety of the sidelines, they watched, eyes bright, ears pricked. They seemed to be quietly rooting both of us on, but we were equally matched. We tussled in the snow, staining it a brilliant scarlet. He bit my leg and the pain shot up my spine.

As I was struggling, he managed to place his paws on my shoulders to pin me down again, but I was faster and stronger. I flipped around and pinned _him_ down. He struggled to get away, whimpering for mercy. I was just about to sink my jaws into his throat, but a sudden noise stopped me. I sat up, sniffing warily.

Two more humans—larger ones—appeared through the bushes, which rustled loudly in their presence. They gasped, "Dove!" And embraced the girl. I stepped off my enemy and stood there, fur bristling, my teeth bared. If they came any closer, I would tear them both apart. And yet, they took no notice of me. The weaker wolf got up and limped over to them, but before he reached them, he collapsed on the snow, crying out with pain. I puffed out my brilliant white chest, feeling the battle was won.

The little girl continued to cry, her arm bleeding heavily. The two adults took her away in no time. A minute later, the wolf got up and limped after them more slowly. Once it was safe, I lay down, feeling weakened. Only then it was that I realized how much blood I had lost. Some of the remaining wolves approached me warily. One sniffed me, wide-eyed. Another sat down and let out a mournful howl. Then they bowed their heads and slunk away.

They knew I was dying.

I collapsed, my face buried in the snow. I let out a small whimper, too weak to even shiver with the cold that ran through my veins. Darkness began to engulf me like a thick icy blanket. A ripple passed down my muscular body as my breathing slowed to a stop. My last heart beat echoed dully in my torn ears and was followed by silence.

I had died like the hero I wa—

"Hipengey!"

Someone prodded me in the side. I sat up, glaring at the misspeller. It was a black penguin with an angry expression. I had just met him that day. "I thought we were friends!" He bellowed.

I stood up, brushing snow off my feathers. I tilted my head in confusion. Friends? No…

"What's wrong? Why are you mad?" I asked, with a voice that said I didn't really care.

He fumed and pointed an accusing flipper at me. "You're going around scaring everyone! Stop acting like that!"

I looked on with wide-eyed innocence. "I was playing! It was just a game!" After all, it had been his idea to pretend we were wolves living in the forest. Of course, for a moment, it had felt like I really was a wolf…

"Well stop it. I thought we were better friends than that and you go and…oh never mind." He looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to ask what. I was still pondering if I should give him a lesson on pretending, but I decided to indulge him and ask what.

He narrowed his eyes, "You have no feelings." He said coolly, trying to mask his anger. He crossed his flippers, waiting for me to say something. I blinked stupidly. Did he think telling me I had no feelings was supposed to insult me? He must have confused me for someone with remorse. "Oh yeah?" I said as he began to walk away. "Well you have no…LIFE! Oh burn!"

I saw him make an angry face, but apparently he had no good comebacks and went to go talk to the yellow penguin named Dove. I decided to pretend some more to get on his nerves.

"SNARL!" I called across the forest. "GRR!"

"PENGY!" He roared furiously as Dove cried out in fear for the thousandth time that day.

I paused, smiling. Then the smile faded as he stomped over. I shuffled my webbed feet innocently. "Perriwrinkle, I'm sorry…" I began. He gave a little smile and began to say thanks, but I finished, "that you have no life."

His eyes turned red.

I snickered and took off, running for the cove.


	14. The Most Popular Girl in Club Penguin

**Surprise, surprise! It's a Lelee chapter! I know how much you guys enjoy these, but there's so many of them, and since I've only put up the good ones, I hope there are no plot holes. Like for example, notify me if this one hints at something that happened that you never read about. Or if you're confused just message me with a question. I can't tell you how happy I am to get feedback.**

**On a side note, I got on Club Penguin today for the first time in a while. Did you know Hipengy is over a thousand days old? Dang, they're gonna have to start digging a grave here sooner or later...  
**

**~Chapter 14: Lelee, The Most Popular Girl In Club Penguin… Hipengy? Not So Much**

I want to cut to the crap here so let's get on with it. I was talking to a Zelda fan, but the fan started going all out on me. I just wanted to make friends and talk about one of the best video games of all time, but she was scared of me! The fan went running out of the gift shop screaming, while I sat angrily in a corner, muttering "Delete delete delete…format C."

Well that wasn't the least of my problems that were going to come that day.

Lelee, out of nowhere, popped up from behind me. "I saw you with that girl!" She accused. "What about you and Monkeys?"

Monkeys? Who the heck was Monkeys? Oh right, Fugemonkeys. Well I seriously didn't care. Lelee didn't know my treacherous past. And yet, she seemed intent to find out. So I played hard to get for a while, dashing around the whole Club Penguin with Lelee on my trail, screaming "Hip!" In a fury. She was so persistent. I was impressed.

Finally, I stopped outside the ski lodge, grinning. She panted, eyes glaring. "My igloo?" I said innocently. We went to my igloo and sat down. She was still breathing heavily.

"Hip…" I don't know why she always called me that, but it was better than Pengy.

"Let's make a deal." She straightened up after a moment of prolonged silence. "I won't tell Monkeys about that girl if…" Oh boy. She wanted to blackmail me. Who on earth would want to blackmail poor little old me?

She trailed off. I waited. "If?"

"Deal?"

"What deal?"

"Grr!"

I don't know what was making her so mad. I wasn't the one being dense. I asked again, curiosity making my head pound.

She took a deep breath, and this time forced the whole thing out. "I won't tell Monkeys what I saw if you hang around with me. Then I'll make you the most popular guy in all of Club Penguin!" She beamed. I stared, astonished. After a minute, I burst out laughing rolling on the floor, tears flooding my eyes. It took me a good five minutes to regain my composure.

"I don't need help being popular!" I crowed with laughter, shaking violently. She giggled nervously as I ranted on, "I'm the most popular guy in Club Penguin! I'm more popular than you! I'm wanted in every server! I've been reported loads of times! I've dated hundreds of girls!"

Whoops. I went a little overboard, but she was off in her own world, saying, "You can be the most popular guy…and I'll be the most popular girl!"

"In your dreams." I snorted, getting up off the floor and brushing snow out of my feathers.

"So…about Monkeys…" She hesitated, looking serious. Then she burst into tears.

"What's wrong?" I rolled my eyes, sick of always asking this.

"It's M-Monkeys!" She sobbed. "She's going to Florida!"

I went wide-eyed. "Why?"

"I'm gonna miss her…she's my step sister…" She whimpered.

I looked disbelieving. She continued to cry silently. Then she asked, "Can I have a hug?" And without waiting for a response, wrapped her flippers around me, soaking my chest. I grimaced over her shoulder.

"Thanks." She muttered, wiping her eyes. "I'll miss her. We go to court in two days."

My brain snapped. "WHAT THE HECK?!" I screeched. "WHY ARE YOU GOING TO COURT? I knew Monkeys was screwed up, but I didn't know she was a fugitive!"

"Stop!" Lelee wailed, crying again. She rushed out of the igloo, slamming the door violently. I finished my random rant and sat there stupidly. Um…what had just happened? Flipengy was rigid against the wall, staring dumb-founded. A moment later, Lelee came back in. The tears were gone.

"You were in here for a while now!" She said. I didn't know what she meant. "Are you ok? Are you sad? There, there, it's okay."

I blinked stupidly. "No I'm not sad!" I snapped. She continued to gaze at me. "Do you?" She said softly.

Oh God, NO

"Do I what?" I hissed.

"Do ya?"

"DO I WHAT!" I roared.

She asked again. Persistent little bug!

I said yes and she thanked me to heck. Note: I copied this from the source. This was happening as I typed the chapter! Therefore, the wording is exact, minus the spelling errors…O.o

"Hip…" She whispered.

"Yeah?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

She smiled then ran out the door, shutting it behind her. Dumbfounded, I ran after her, flinging open the door, but nobody was there.

She had gone.


	15. Lelee's Point of View

**MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! (or day before Christmas anyways...ehh, it's Christmas in Germany today anyways so what the heck.)**

**Guess what? My laptop's back! So I can give you that special chapter I mentioned a while back! Consider this my gift to you for Christmas…I tried to write a Christmas special, but it just didn't reach the standards, so this will have to do. **

**Oh and the "special" thing about this is that it's not from my point of view. It's from Lelee's! This came a bit before the last chapter I wrote in which she "disappeared" for a while. But now she's back in this next installment. I wonder what I would do if Lelee ever read this? Hopefully she would be mature enough to get a kick out of it.**

**Hmm…now see if you can guess who the suspicious newcomer in this story is…**

**~Chapter 15: Lelee's Point of View**

I was just hanging around my igloo. Earlier I had been sledding—I won a lot. Saw some friends. It wasn't that interesting. I went home to feed little Purpley the puffle. He was nearly swallowing Reddy by the time I got in. Then he came in…Hiengy. I couldn't help but blush a little because even through all my boyfriends I still saw him around sometimes. He tilted his head, giving him an irresistible air. I had to stop from smiling…girls would kill to be in my position. I just narrowed my eyes at him coolly.

"Hey Hip." I drawled.

A tremor rippled down his back and he sat down, wide-eyed. "I had to hide." He croaked in a feeble, quavering voice.

"From what?" I questioned anxiously. Had someone been harassing poor little Hipnegy?

"_Her_." He said coldly. "She just won't stop following me. It's like she's obsessed! I need to hide from her…she's on the mountain, looking for me." He muttered anxiously, but I was having a brain meltdown. I spaced out for a minute or two. Then looked back at him after regaining my senses. He looked slightly annoyed.

"What? Who?" I said, confused.

"HER!" He said loudly. I felt a twinge of annoyance. Hipenge knew better than to be that way with me! "Her name is…"

I had another shutdown. Hipeng seemed to notice. "She's at the ski hill! On the mountain!" He kept repeating where she was over and over again. Then a thought clicked in my foggy mind. Maybe I should go to the mountain to see her…? I voiced the question to Hipeney.

He nodded vigorously. "Yes! I'll be hiding somewhere else." He winked and I nearly fell over. Before I could regain myself, he had disappeared from the igloo.

I let out a long dreamy sigh. My current boyfriend was nothing like my old one. Suddenly, the floaty feeling disappeared in a wave of anger at what was causing Hiper to go into hiding. I sped from the igloo and arrived at the mountain almost instantly.

Right away, I recognized the Hipenny-obsessed one.

She looked like a new penguin. She was pink with a friendship bracelet and her name was…Hipengy's Gurl.

"HAS ANYONE SEEN HIPENGY?" She screeched. I stepped over to her.

"_I_ know Higpeny." I announced in a clear voice so all fan girls within the mile could hear. Some turned their heads. Gurl looked at me in rage. "Who are you?" She spat.

"I'm Hipegy's old girlfriend." I said even more loudly. A few girls stepped closer, wide-eyed and attentive. I smirked, glad for the attention.

"Well I'm his new girlfriend!" Gurl stuck her tongue out, droning in her annoying voice. "So there! He likes me more! How do you know him?"

I clenched my flippers in anger. "I'm his best friend." I voiced dramatically. "But that's not the point…what is…he thinks you're annoying and he doesn't like you."

Gurl looked dumbfounded. "Bye." I snickered, flopping onto my belly to skid down the hill at top speed. I waited at the bottom. Gurl didn't show. I pouted for a while, and then decided to go back up. She was still there, looking thoughtful.

"I CONTROL HIPENGY!" She blasted as soon as I came within sight. Some girls gasped and one requested that Gurl feed him a love potion for her. I swelled up, triumphant.

"I'm telling him you said that!" I bragged. Her eyes flew open in a panic. "No! Don't! I'm sorry, please don't tell him, I was kidding! Kidding!" She turned away and ran for the neighborhood bawling and bawling her eyes out.

I smiled happily and skipped back to my own igloo. "Hey Lelee." Hipergey was inside. The puffles were gathered around him. The scene looked wonderful.

"I talked to her! She says she controls you!" I blurted out as soon as I got inside. He smirked. "Oh really. She's so weird." My stomach did a flip at his gentle smile. I felt so happy…

"You're nicer than her." He said quietly, looking up at me with his heart-melting eyes. My stomach did a flip. But that wasn't the end of his praise… "I like you Lelee." Then he made a heart. I struggled to stay calm, hoping he couldn't see my heart pounding against me chest.

"As friends?" I said thickly through my tight throat.

"No. More than that." He flashed his hot smile, making one last heart before he closed the door.

I rejoiced. Then I raced to go find his ugly girlfriend until I saw her dreadful mug in the plaza. "Hipengy likes me!" I shouted. "He hearted me."

She bit her beak angrily, as if holding back a stream of curse words. Then her eyes watered and she turned to flee into the parlor. I followed, catching a glimpse of her as she disappeared into the crowd. I pushed through the beaded curtain, but couldn't make out her pink shape in the cloud of flour and panicking penguins.

"GET OUT OF THE WAY IF YOU'RE NOT MAKING PIZZAS!" A chef screamed as I dodged out of the backroom. I shuffled my feet, annoyed.

Oh well. I think I got my point across.


	16. A Strange Day

**This actually happened really recently, but I'd figure I'd put it up since the people in it actually read this story. I wrote this a day after it happened so it may not totally be accurate. I might have switched what Cheesecake and Bublegirl said...speaking of mistakes, I looked back and read my whole installment of this story, and I saw a lot of screw-ups. Please excuse any error. Most are caused by this dumb site, but others are caused by myself. Oh well, no one's perfect.**

**Happy New Year! Let's hope this year is as good as the last!**

**~Chapter 16: A Strange Day**

I was standing out in the plaza, not quite knowing what to do with myself. A bunch of people were having an emo rally. "Sit over here if you're sad!" One crybaby wailed and a couple people went to go sit in the corner. I waddled over, beaming, smiling, and winking. They looked at me through their tears. "Are you sad?" One asked. Oblivious much?

"Nope," I responded, "I'm happy. It's such a great day today. I thought I'd come over and rub it in your face."

"That's mean!" One bawled.

"Why are you sad anyways?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"Nobody understands us!" They howled dramatically.

I clenched my flippers, my hands slightly shaking. "You guys don't know what real sadness is. When you lose someone close to you, then you'll know. Right now you're just looking for attention." I hissed. They looked at me wide-eyed and protested loudly.

"You're not sad, just lonely." Someone said from behind me. I looked over. This person looked really familiar…then I realized it was Cheesecake, someone I knew from a different site…I mean…world.

"Oh hey what's up?" I said, bored with trying to convince the crybabies they had nothing to cry about.

"Nothing much." She replied. "This is my best friend." I recognized Bublegirl, another penguin I had met before.

"Hey." I grinned. Then I noticed a purple penguin with a Santa hat that had been hanging around way too close to me. Her name was Lizette. Little did I know, she was going to be trouble for me. "I like you." She said. I looked around, confused. Was she talking to me? Oh, she was talking to my friend Mb. Who knew a crook like me had this many friends, huh? I turned away, feeling safe. I didn't feel like getting in a complicated relationship today. Then she hearted. She wasn't looking at Mb at all. Was she looking at me? "You in the black." She murmured, "You're really cute."

I wanted to flex my muscles and say, "I know," but I still wasn't sure who she was talking to. Then I looked at Mb and let out an exclamation of surprise. Mb wasn't painted black! "Mb! Quick! Paint yourself to black!" I shouted in a panic. She moved forward, making hearts like crazy. I turned tail.

"Head for the hills!" I shouted and ran into the pizza parlor. I figured it was the closest thing to a hill. We got inside, me, Mb, Cheesecake, and Lizette. Bublegirl had mysteriously disappeared. Lizette was still hearting. Then I noticed Cheesecake was black too and it seemed Lizette was looking at Cheesecake.

"Me?" Cheesecake said, wide-eyed with disbelief, "I'm a girl!"

Lizette blushed and looked away in embarrassment. "Well…now you're a boy…" She muttered, trying to cover for herself. It was then that she noticed me again. "You're cute." She said, coming over. "Do you like me?"

I arched an eyebrow. "Um, I don't even know you."

She made a heart, but I didn't respond with one of my own. Suddenly, her eyes turned hard and glimmered evilly. "Like me or I'll report you." She growled. Wow. This girl was really going the extra length! I had never been threatened into a relationship before!

Well, of course we all know I've been reported loads of times, but I played along just because my sixth sense is stupidity. "I don't want to be reported!" I gasped a little too dramatically. "Please don't."

"Like me." She hissed, forcing another heart on me.

I reluctantly handed one back. "Okay, fine." I sighed in defeat.

"Come," She motioned toward an empty table, "Sit."

I sat. She made a heart. Actually, she made a lot of hearts. I made a few myself, but I was bored with the constant nothingness. "You belong with me…" She said, batting her eyelashes.

I rolled my eyes. "What, are you gonna start _singing_?"

Nope. Just more hearts. My boredom meter was reaching maximum.

"Mancala?" I said, practically begging.

"Okay." She agreed. And so we went. Thank goodness!

We sat at the mancala table, a malicious smile spreading across my beak. "No one can beat me…" I cackled gleefully, "You're going to lose!" She didn't say anything. We just played. There was no competition. I was way, way ahead. _Y'know…_ I thought to myself, about halfway through the game, _I wouldn't be surprised if this girl made me lose against her._

"Go easy!" She said suddenly. I slapped my forehead. I wasn't surprised.

"Why?" I growled.

"Go easy." She whispered.

"Why?" I repeated. She didn't respond, just stared tearfully at the board. "Fine." I sighed. But, truth be told, it was actually harder for me to lose than to win. I picked the worst moves possible, and yet I still came out on top. Luckily for me she wasn't as peeved as I expected her to be at the end. We both stood up. She turned away, lowering her eyes. "Good game!" I said automatically.

"…Will you?" She murmured.

A brain cell in my head popped. 'Do you' had given birth. Now its child 'Will you' was going to haunt me the rest of my life. I tried to stay calm, taking deep breaths. "Will I what?" I answered evenly.

"Will you?"

"Will I what?"

This was going nowhere. It was exactly like all the other conversations I had ever had that branched off of "Do you?"

"Get on your knees." She said suddenly. "Get on your knees!"

I stared down at my feet then looked to my stomach and in between. No knees. I checked two or three times, but I had no knees. What was I to do? Go along with it, that's what. I flopped over pathetically, spraining one of my nonexistent knees in the process. She hearted wildly. I lay on the floor like a fool. Was this supposed to be a proposal? Wasn't I already engaged to Fugemonkeys? And some other girl? What WAS this? As I was pondering this, I didn't notice a wimpy guy named Jason come over and steal my girl. "I like you." He was telling her. I stood up, brushing off my feathers. Now this was just not good. I wanted to ditch her but I didn't want to lose a fight. What was a penguin to do? I stomped over menacingly. Unfortunately, Jason didn't seem like he wanted to fight.

"I really like you." He confessed to Lizette. What? Did he fall in love as he watched her lose at mancala? Oh, love is a strange thing. Or pretending to love someone you don't even know over the internet is a strange thing anyways.

"But I like you!" Lizette burst out.

"Me?" Jason asked.

"No. Him." She pointed to me. "I like you!"

"Me?" Jason asked again.

"No. Him."

This repeated over a couple times. I stood there, trying to resist from walking over to the nearest wall to bang my head into it repeatedly…

"You might as well go with him!" I announced, turning away dramatically and heading for the nearest exit. With a surprised cry, she ran after me with Jason running after her. I stopped running at the dock. Dang. All those Christmas cookies had made me fat and I couldn't run anymore. Just kidding. No one eats cookies in Club Penguin. Just pixels. At the dock, I encountered my three friends again. Mb just kinda sat to the side the whole time so we won't worry about her. However, Cheesecake and Bublegirl seemed happy to see me. "Hip!" They greeted. "Ohmigosh!"

"I don't like Jason. I like you!" Lizette cried out at the sight of me, pushing herself in front of me.

"Me?" Jason said dumbly.

"No, him!" She snarled.

"You threatened me." I growled, narrowing my eyes. "No one threatens Hipengy."

The other two girls laughed. Jason shuffled away, looking depressed. Darn it. I wanted to run after him, screaming, "Don't leave! Take her! Take her!!!" Instead I stepped over to a snowbank and sat down, leaning against it. Lizette followed, practically sitting herself on my lap.

"Get out of here!" I hissed. "Go away!" She left for a while and I entered a random conversation with everyone else in the room. Then she came back and when I told her to go away again she gave me some crap about how this was a different person now. How stupid did she think I was? I mean…was it really that obvious?

"Do you like me?" She pressed, in her annoying voice. "Honey?"

I rolled my eyes. "My name is Hipengy! You, however, can call me Mister Hipengy." _Hmm…_ I thought to myself, _Professor Hipengy doesn't sound bad either. Or Doctor Hipengy…Master Hipengy? _But it was obvious I was not the master in this relationship.

"Yeah!" Cheesecake and Bublegirl chimed in, obviously entertained by all that was going on. Lizette turned to look at them suspiciously. Some of that girl-powered possessiveness must have kicked on, because she growled, "Who are you?" in a very unfriendly way.

"These are my friends, unlike you." I sneered. "Oooh Burn."

"Ooooh." Bublegirl smirked.

"Yeah, _we're_ his friends!" Cheesecake put in. Lizette didn't seem to realize that she wasn't a friend.

"You're rude." She huffed, turning away from both of them, and scootching her big butt closer to me. "Soooo…honey." She cooed, weaving her flippers through mine.

I groaned inwardly, trying to resist from saying "Yes, _dear_?" too sarcastically.

"Ew. Gross." Bublegirl frowned.

"Are you jealous?" Lizette said, smirking.

"More like disgusted." Bublegirl snorted. Cheesecake giggled.

"Am I really that disgusting?" I joked.

"Sooo…honey." Lizette repeated, breathing into my face. I wrinkled my nose…err…beak.

"Honey." Bublegirl mimicked. "So weird."

"We're the weird people! We're the weirdest people ever!" Cheesecake announced.

"Weird people are cool." I told them, "Normal people are boring."

"So true." Bublegirl agreed.

"PIE!" Cheesecake shouted.

"Mmm…pie…" I said, closing my eyes in content. "Keylime pie."

Lizette seemed jealous that all the attention wasn't on her.

"I'm so popular." She said randomly.

"Lelee is more popular." I pointed out, "She's the most popular girl in Club Penguin. And I'm just a pauper."

Lizette seemed to take this as flirting and made a heart. This girl just wasn't getting it. Oh what the heck. Then I made one too. Bublegirl and Cheesecake gagged. Mb starting crying, but I don't know if it was because of that or not. I felt bad for forcing them to see this.

"Come." Lizette said, getting up and starting to walk away.

"What am I a dog? Come, Hipengy, come!"

"Please honey."

"Okay."

I am such a pushover. I walked to where she was. When I got there…

"Sit!" She demanded.

What the heck? "Woof woof." I barked, sitting down. She should have brought a bone. I would only roll over if a treat was in it for me. But she wasn't interested in having me roll over, as she led me to the night club.

"I'm the DJ!" Some girl screeched over and over. "Everybody get out!" Apparently, this penguin had confused the term "DJ" with "Crime Scene Investigator."

We took our places on the dance floor anyways. We were dancing so close, it was really awkward. She kept brushing up against me. I felt my personal space bubble pop repeatedly.

Then, everything seemed to happen in slow motion, as if a thousand armed men had lined up and pointed machine guns at me. I turned to look for a way out, but there was none. I started to run from the array of weapons at me, yet my feet were frozen to the ground. Her beak opened as the guns prepared to fire. Then it came.

"Do you?"

I could almost feel the bullets pelting my defenseless body.

"OH GOD NO! NEVER ASK ME THAT!" I shrieked, a little too heatedly.

"Why? Come on!" If she said "Please, honey." I was going to strangle her. Before I could get myself into further trouble, I turned and ran through the doors. But there was no escaping her. No, even though she wasn't on my buddy list, she was always behind me. I may have been the dog, but she was the one that possessed the incredible nose that could sniff me out.

"Do you?" She asked again, out in the town, in front of a massive crowd of penguins.

"Yes" I replied, finally giving in, "Now I'm leaving!"

"No. Come." She demanded.

For some reason, I followed. We wound up back at the dock.

"All girl say I." Said a random green penguin. I decided to mix things up a bit.

"I." Lizette said.

"I." The green penguin said.

"I." I said.

Lizette looked at me in bewilderment. "Hahaha just kidding!" I laughed.

"You're a girl?" She said blankly. "You can go now." Oh. Well that was one way to do it.

"I was kidding." I said, more serious now, but she still gazed at me with those disbelieving eyes. I looked down at myself. Did she seriously think I was a girl? Could penguins really not tell that I was a boy when they looked at me? My manliness felt like it had been murdered with a meat cleaver. "I'm leaving now…" I said nervously, backing away. She didn't respond. Then I turned and fled with her still staring at me stonily from behind. This day had been really, really weird.


	17. The Alien and The Slave

**I like this chapter a lot. But don't expect any more for a month or two after this. I'm pretty busy. All the more, I hope you like this one because it is a favorite of mine.**

**~Chapter 17: The Alien and The Slave**

I was wandering around on my usual server, Mittens, the name of the most pissed off cat in the world. It was very empty, which was unusual. I kept coming across all these crying girls, but when I would ask what was wrong they would run off, acting like drama queens. Then I would stomp off, on through the desolate club, until I would come across the next crybaby. This pattern repeated until, finally, I found one that would talk to me. Her name was Cute Kitty, but we'll call her Kitty.

"What's wrong?" I asked for the tenth time that day as she cried while dancing at the same time.

"They're gone!" She wailed.

"Who?" I asked, wishing she would get to the point already.

"I lost my family!" She cried, still dancing like a lunatic, sending her wet tears flying into my face. Right. You're family died so you got on _Club Penguin_ of all things, to get sympathy. Sure. I tried to look sympathetic, but I probably just looked stupid. Yet there was no way I could have succeeded in looking as stupid as her. She was bawling, but her body just wouldn't stop doing that strange penguin jig. Then she turned and ran away from the beach. I stood there like an idiot. Then she came back, shot me a purposeful look, and ran off again. She repeated that once or twice until I finally gave up ignoring her and followed. She led me up to the mountain.

Once there, she sat down on the near-deserted hilltop and proceeded to cry some more. I sat down next to her. "How did they die?" I asked gently. "How did you lose them?"

She sniffed, "You want to know how I lost m-my family?" I nodded solemnly. "W-well we were sliding down Penguin Run…" I nearly barfed. Oh come on! If she was going to squeeze some much-needed attention out of me, couldn't she at least _try _to come up with a big heartbreaking sob story? I listened to her blubber on, my eyes narrowed in annoyance. "And a bear came and…and…CRIES ON SHOULDER!" She shouted quite suddenly into my ear, throwing herself into my lap as penguins that were getting ready to sled glanced at us over their shoulders in surprise. "HUGS FOR GOOD LUCK!" She wrapped her flippers around me and dug her beak into my chest, hard. I tried not to look too shocked as she got up and stumbled back down the hill. There were a couple bruises on my body. I blinked in surprise, watching her disappear among the snow banks.

Of course, I followed. Who wouldn't?

"I'll help you find your family." I said in my award-winning, good citizen voice. She brightened up immediately. Then she added me to her friends list. "I get it you didn't bother trying to find your friends with the friends list?" I questioned, but she had already gone running into the nearby ski lodge. I followed, but she ran out the back door to go ice fishing. Maybe the fish were her only friends? Sighing, I sat on the couch and repeatedly blew out the candle in the lodge, even though it somehow kept lighting itself. I thought about all the patience I had…certainly no other penguin would have been nice enough or had the intelligence to wait around for this girl. Or maybe I was wrong. Maybe I, the one who was waiting, was the one that lacked intelligence. Then she finally appeared. "Find them?" I asked; although I was still busy trying to put out the candle.

"No." She answered. She looked very grim. "I'm gonna go look in the forest…that's where I saw the bear." She said darkly. I thought she had seen the bear on Penguin Run? Oh well, I could put up with a plot hole or two.

"Me too." I agreed and so we went.

When we got there, she suddenly struck a dramatic pose. "The brown beanbag looks…" She murmured. I looked around. What brown beanbag? "He's not here…" Without warning, she ran over and started screaming in my ear again. "Jumps over rock! Tackles bear! Jumps over rock!"

I figured she was pretending to attack the bear that was not here so I played along by shouting, "You got him!"

Suddenly, she rounded on me. "Turns to super powers." She hissed, turning red and putting on a red dress and blonde wig. "You made me mad enough."

"Oh no! He's got me…" I trailed off, confused.

"Hills." She growled, punching at the air in front of her. "Hills bear." I was wondering what hills meant when she blasted, "WHAT'S THE MATTER AFRAID OF THE FIRE?!" I flinched back.

Was this girl insane?!

"I'm sorry?" I said.

"Throws darkness at bear." She muttered and stalked off towards the cove. "Calms down." She changed back into her normal outfit. I followed, ready to get my drama thing on.

"That bear was my friend!" I cried out when I saw her, crying fake tears. Sobbing, I ran and ran until I reached the plaza. She followed, but randomly entered the pizza parlor, so of course I had to go with her. "What now?" I asked, wanting something new to come up.

"I'm not from your planet."

Now that's more like it!

"What planet are you from?" I asked sincerely, doing my best to keep a straight face. Luckily, I had good practice, even though I had never played poker in my life.

"Pluto." She said dramatically. "I come from Pluto."

"Pluto isn't a planet." I said in a dull voice. Stupid scientists. How could they take Pluto out as a planet? Now it would be My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine…Nine what?! Life was incomplete without Pluto.

"It's an outer planet." She argued. I just shrugged and changed the subject by saying, "I'm from Planet Hipengy. We hill people there. Do you like hilling people? Are you gonna hill me?" I guess she didn't like my sense of humor, because she was running to the stage. Or maybe she had ADD. That was most likely the case, because she went running towards the pet shop after that. When she got there, she dressed herself as a bunny and started making z's.

"Wake up!" I bellowed and kicked her.

"Hop. Hop." She said stupidly, and hopped away. I switched to Plan B, piss her off and it worked. "Some alien you are." I sneered. "Freak. Nice super powers by the way." Yeah, it wasn't very hard to make her mad.

She threw a snowball at me, but not before saying, "In my planet…we call people who are mean…"

"Call them what?" I interrupted smugly, "Care to elaborate?" She stomped away, having a good fit to herself. Now that's what I call a good exit! You may think my interactions with Kitty ended there for the day, but they didn't. I was afraid of encountering boredom again so I totally switched gears on her.

I found her pouting in the Night Club. I waddled over, trying to look as sorry and forlorn as humanly possible. "I'm sorry I was mean." I whimpered, looking up at her sorrowfully from my tear-clouded eyes. The bottom part of my beak jutted out and I stared at the ground, ashamed of the way I had acted earlier and hoping she would forgive me. Amazingly, she was able to resist me.

"I'm sure." She snorted, not even bothering to look at the great show I was displaying.

"I'm sorry." I sniffed, "I'll make it up to you."

That got her attention. She turned to look at me. "How?"

I blinked. How was she able to resist me like this? "I don't know…" I said, feeling a little surprised. Her eyes gleamed with greed.

"Do whatever I say…" She hissed. I frowned. Why did everyone always want me as a slave? Was I really that bad of a boyfriend?

Well, it made for good drama, and it's not like I was going to embarrass myself or anything so I said yes. Besides, Hipengy is a man…err…penguin of his word! Besides, she would probably just tell me to dance since that's what everyone always did.

"Change outfits." She demanded. "Like this." She put on a flashy dress, hair, and crown. I told her I didn't have any of that. The only thing I had was a girly-looking tiara that resembled hers so I put it on. Then she had me paint myself pink. Oh, the things I do to write entertaining stories for you guys…

"And the glasses." She said, pointing to her face where she wore stylish sunglasses. I fished through my pockets, hoping this was making her happy.

"Alls I have are these." I said, pulling out my glasses that came complete with a big nose and a mustache.

"That will do!" She said with a smirk.

By now I looked like a total fool. I was a girly pink with a girly tiara with a girly necklace with a girly lollipop with a not-so-girly-but-especially-ugly pair of mustache glasses. So much for not embarrassing myself. Anyone who had seen me probably would have lost his or her lunch. Yet, Kitty managed to not only keep from vomiting, but she actually smiled and led me to her igloo.

"Can I please change my color?" I groaned, after she made me "water" her garden and "eat" pizza. Then, of all horrors, she made me go with her to the gift shop to get a new color. I hid my face shamefully from the public. At least I wasn't going to be painted pink anymore.

"What color?" I asked, opening the catalogue.

"Peach." She replied.

Oh yeah. Peach. What a big difference from pink. Grumbling, I switched colors. She laughed and we went back to her igloo where she once again made me water her fake garden. "Waters." I said, getting bored. Then, trying to be nice, I stated, "Your garden looks good."

"DON'T EAT IT!" She shrieked, like her life depended on it.

It wasn't long before I was sick of being her slave. I decided I'd piss her off one last time before I made my dramatic exit. "Am I done yet?" I asked innocently.

She sat there, thinking, still looking like she wanted me to stay peach. "Fine." She said and I gladly changed back into my normal attire.

"Thanks alien." I told her.

"You're mean!" She shouted suddenly, glowering at me. "Not an alien."

"You said you were an alien, alien." I said with a sly smile. It wasn't hard to make this girl angry. She was already changing into her "superhero" outfit.

"Throws darkness!" She bellowed, "Throws lightning! Throws fire! Throws ice! Throw water! Throws wind!" As I was getting pounded by her imaginary elements, I played along, saying things like, "Oww, that hurt, alien!" and "Oh no, I'm blind! Yeah right." Finally, she calmed down enough to start crying.

"Don't cry or I'll have to do that crap all over again." I told her, but she wasn't listening. "Okay then." I said, but my voice still went unheard. "Okay then alien!" I shouted one last time before slamming the door in her face.

As I left to go stir up a new batch of trouble, she left to go jump off a cliff and join her lost family one and for all.


	18. The Long List

**Okay, I lied, here's another chapter. Consider yourselves lucky. I've gotten into a bad habit of putting them up all out of order so I'm trying to break that habit. Even though this may not be the most interesting chapter, it has my first meeting with Rockhopper so I guess this should have gotten put up a while back. Sorry. **

**And guess what? Over 70 reviews! I had no idea this story would be so popular! And guess what else? If we reach 100 reviews you're all going to get a pleasant surprise…SO REVIEW GOSH DARN IT!**

**~Chapter 18: The Long List**

It had been pretty boring around the club lately. It took all of my strength to not succumb to the deadly Boredom Syndrome. For weeks, I was hanging by a thread. But suddenly, a day came where something interesting actually happened. I was in the Pizza Parlor. I had gone there with a boring girl I had gotten. And then we saw him—Rockhopper. It was pretty much just us and a dead penguin that wasn't responding to anything in there. And him of course. Him and his ugly beard and his beady eyes and his evil smile and his stupid hat.

I thought he was just a robot—some evil slug out to brainwash the club. After all, he did a good job of it…but not good enough. His list wasn't completed without my name on there.

I decided to have a man-to-man confrontation. I got up from my table. He was sitting in the one next to me. At first, he was ranting about cream soda and pizza and crap like some sort of idiot. Too bad guns don't exist in Club Penguin. You can't fight with weapons, so words are your best option. I went right up to his face and bellowed, "Shoots Rockhopper!" because I know when you say that, people take it to offense.

"Arr, I be too quick for ya matey!" He replied, not moving from the chair, his eyes sparkling with a sick delight.

I should have jumped him and beat the crap out of him, but I would have never seen the light of day again if I had done so. So I said it again. And again.

Each time he responded with a smirk and a "You're too slow," or "Ye can't hurt Rockhopper he be friends with everyone!"

Then the crowd started to thicken. Penguins had picked up the stench of greasy pirate and were pouring into the parlor. I roared at him to leave while his minions joined together and shouted insults at me. The whole time the pirate sat there with an evil glint in his eyes, laughing it up as all his slaves sprang to his defense.

Then I decided they needed to hear the truth. "Everyone!" I yelled over the crowd, "Rockhopper is a robot! A computer!"

"What's a computer?" Rockhopper said innocently. "I be a mere pirate."

"Add me Rockhopper!" "You're not a computer!" "ADD ME!" Came replies. I wanted to lay down on the floor and start crying, but my manhood wouldn't let me do that.

"I be everyone's friend!" He boomed.

"Not mine!" I sang out, over the squawking penguins that now resembled obnoxious seagulls more than anything.

"That's too bad." He said, eyes flashing dangerously in my direction. I suppose he could have done away with me if he had wanted to. "Reported" me or whatever and gotten me banned. But he probably saw me as a form of entertainment…the only penguin that had ever defied him to his face. I just knew he was getting a kick out of watching me flail helplessly in his sea of worshippers. But I wasn't giving up.

I screamed at him to leave. I tried to get the penguins to understand. But they were just too darn STUPID; acting like Rockhopper was the meaning of life, like he was the savior of the world. Finally, Rockhopper left as I told him over and over again to go jump off a cliff, get mauled by a bear, play freeze tag in a highway, etc. When he left, disappearing into thin air, everyone blamed it on me and went running after him like a pack of loud hyenas.

But he was gone, vanishing to who knows where. I shook my head, the last remaining penguin in the parlor. With a tired sigh, I plopped myself down on a chair and buried my face into my flippers. Two rich-looking member girls came in and sat down at the table next to me, chatting. Deciding that the day was not quiet over, I went up to the better looking of the two and offered a flower. She squealed a thank you. The other one looked confused.

"You're welcome?" She said in a dull voice.

Her friend looked annoyed. "Not you!"

I think her name was Bridget. I forget. How kind of me. Then there was this other girl, some crybaby named Penguin, one of the most original names I had ever heard. Penguin sat at a table, bawling her ugly eyes out. I went over and, being the good citizen I was, made her feel better.

Turns out she was crying over Rockhopper. I said he wasn't all that special and he was really just a computer. "I guess you're right." She sniffled, wiping away the last of her tears. Apparently, Bridget had gotten bored and left. Oh darn.

I went up to the manager's desk to act all-important. Then she came up and gave me a heart. I stared at her and offered another back. She waited for me to say something then started crying again. "Is that a yes?" She whined.

I forced a smile. "Yeah." She cried louder. "Yes. I meant yes." She smiled.

"Party at my place!" Someone yelled randomly.

"See you there." She said and disappeared.

For a second, I thought she meant at the party, so that's where I went. As it turns out…no. She was in my igloo. I came inside and it was nearly flooded with tears. She could have drowned herself and gotten me charged with murder.

"Hipengy." She gibbered. Then, without warning, she straightened up and said in a calm voice, "What's up?"

"Nothing much." I said, blinking away my surprise. "You?"

"Nothing much!" She agreed, looking like the happiest idiot in the world. But my instincts were warning me that at any moment her beak could start trembling and tears would spring forth. So I asked her if she wanted to go somewhere. She suggested the cove. Great. There was nothing to do there. I put on my swim gear to try and impress her but she just stood in the water, looking angry. Hmm…yeah I guess flippers and a rubber ducky tube aren't that impressive…

Then she came back…Bridget. She copied my lame outfit and started swimming with me. She didn't say anything, just smiled and batted her eyelashes. I didn't quite know what to do. Penguin was nearly breathing down my neck the whole time, saying nothing. So to get on her nerves, I started talking to Bridget.

Bridget announced suddenly, "I'm going to change." And put on a bikini. I stole a glance at Penguin, turned back to Bridget, and made a heart.

"YOU PLAYER!!!!!" Penguin shrieked, louder than ever before. I jumped a little bit. It wasn't every day the word player got through the filter. Bridget hearted me back, ignoring Penguin's outburst. Penguin started crying and ran off. As usual, I didn't follow, knowing she would come back. She did.

She waddled over and shoved her tear-filled face into mine.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"You cheated on me!" She said shrilly.

"What's wrong?" I asked again, pretending not to hear.

"You cheated on me!" She repeated.

"What's wrong?" I asked once more, trying to see how long I could keep this up.

"What you did was really mean!"

"What's wrong?"

She ran off again. Then I went to my igloo to clean out all the tears. I took Bridget off my list because she was boring…and in came Penguin! She glared at me and threw a snowball at my…um… "SO WHO ELSE IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND?!?" She roared.

"You." I said blankly.

"AND"

"Bridget."

"AND"

I tried my best to not laugh and keep a straight face. Then I decided I would give her the entire list!

"And Lelee. And Fugemonkeys. And Parrot. And Urty. And Tink. And Melisa. And Aegirl. And Pinkwie. And Alaska. And Skigirl. And Suiteb. And Bree. And Hipengy's Gurl. And-" I ranted and ranted, telling her my newest to oldest girls, some random ones out of video games, some just…random. Finally I stopped, out of breath. "And I think that's it." I finished.

She gaped. "AND WHOEVER ELSE MIGHT BE YOU'RE-?!"

"A LOT!" I boomed and she left, angrily, slamming the door in my face. I got hit in the head and lay unconscious on the floor, my brain starting to form my recent adventure into a chapter. As I did this, a random penguin entered my igloo and knelt over my unmoving body. "Hi dude. Hello." They waved a flipper in front my face, but I didn't respond. Then they shrugged. "Goodbye." And left.


	19. NonGirlfriend

**Hey I had the weekend off so I thought I would put up another chapter. Actually, I'm surprised by all the stories being put up in the Club Penguin section. Even if I may not review them always, I take a look at a lot of them and enjoy reading them. So you all keep writing too okay? **

**As for the end of this chapter, I did end up meeting this girl again and enduring more fantasies in which she pretended I was her puffle. That stuff was way too dumb to be put into a chapter so I'll leave it to your imaginations. On a side note, Lost came back this week. Anyone else watch the greatest show on television? ...Anyone? No...?**

**~Chapter 19: Non-Girlfriend**

I live to be stupid and have fun. It seems everyday I have a different motto. There was this one girl…I saw her out in town. Her name was Kru. She had sunglasses, a hat, and a dress. She was extremely fancy. And single. And begging to get together with a player. Or so I thought…

"Abc to be adopted." She said happily. In Hipengy language, I thought adoption meant to get a girlfriend. You know? Because most people say "one two three for me" or something along those lines. As soon as I said those three letters, she came over to me, smiling brightly through her brown coloring. She delicately grabbed my flipper and led me to her rich manor. It was very…homely…inside. A roaring fire, a lounge…two soccer goals lying on their backs in the corner. "You're adopted!" She announced as soon as I stepped inside. She led me to the nets. "This is your crib."

My stomach fell to my feet, through the floor, and down, down, deep into the ground.

"Now go to bed."

"I'll be right back." I said, coughing to hide my laughs. I stepped outside and fell onto the ground, laughing. I was about to make my great escape, but suddenly I realized y'know that…this could be interesting. So I came back in, curious as to what would happen next. "Back." I sneezed, getting rid of my last snicker.

"Yes and you're late!" She scolded. I drew back in surprise at her stern tone. Then I apologized. "Now go watch TV!" I sat in front of the sled channel, watching the penguins swerve left and right all the while making no progress at all.

"I'm going to make dinner." She said sweetly. My stomach growled. "What are we having?" I asked. "Pizza!" She boomed, and began to flip the dough. Free food. I smirked from my position on the floor. After we ate on the ground together, she set up a table and told me it was time to run errands. She spelled it wrong too, but I was too nice to point it out and make her feel like an idiot. We walked all the way to the gift shop…she bought something…then we walked all the way back. What a waste of life.

When we got back she demanded, "Come. PJs." And we retreated to the "crib." I paused, wondering what PJs would look like since my Santa outfit was the closest thing to a nightcap. I took it off and put on my pirate bandana…hoping that would suffice.

"Story time." She announced, waiting for my reaction. After an awkward silence, I cheered stupidly. "The end." She said. I stopped cheering. "Good morning!" She said suddenly and ran over to the kitchen to pour coffee, spilling it all over her apron.

"Morning…" I responded, astounded.

She drank it and I looked on enviously. "What about me…?"

"Here's your bottle." She handed me a dusty looking baby bottle filled with sour milk. I grimaced in disgust. "Pancake time!" She began to flip a pancake that looked more like a pizza. "Pancakes are done!" She said after about five seconds, slapping the dough onto the table. I sat down with her, trying to make a heart, but it was all in vain. "What should I wear today?" I asked, not liking the bandana that clung to my head.

"A jacket. It's cold out today." My insides flipped over. What the heck? We were right smack dab in the middle of summer! My eye twitched. "I don't…have a jacket." I muttered through clenched teeth.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"No jacket!" I roared. The message didn't register. She continued to look bewildered so I changed the subject. "Can we go sledding today?"

"Yes." She nodded. I was glad to talk about something else.

"Yay! Let's go!" I shouted, rushing to the door to wait on her.

"We'll go, hold on." After changing her jacket about three times and painting herself blue we left. I wondered which course to do. It ended up as Bunny Hill. It was then I decided to play along. I crashed every time I could. It was actually more fun to lose than to win. Afterwards, Kru managed to pull me up the hill and set me down as I feigned injury.

"Oww! Oww! I hurt myself!" I whimpered.

"Are you okay?" She cocked her head to one side, eyes wide with concern.

"I don't know." I cringed, quickly grabbing onto my foot to make it look like it hurt a lot. She waddled around me in circles, looking utterly confused. "Let's go." I said hopefully. "Your igloo…?" She agreed to that and we went back. I nearly forgot to limp. "I need a bandage." I demanded when I went in.

"Ok." She said like a robot, walking over to the cabinet to peer inside. "Here you go." She gave me a piece of tape. I stuck it on a patch of short feathers. When she wasn't looking, I ripped it off, but it took some of my rugged good looks with it. She sat on a comfy couch by the fire. I followed to sit next to her.

"Thank you." I said modestly.

"You're welcome." She replied evenly.

I made another heart, and this time, she made a comeback with her own. But she was probably making it like she was a mother or something. We were no couple. She was a non-girlfriend. And I was quickly becoming a very bored penguin. "What should we do now?" I invited.

"Do you want a bottle?" She cooed, pulling one out of her pocket and jamming it in my mouth. The sour liquid seeped into my throat and down into my squirming stomach. "There you go." She smiled. "To the pizza parlor!" I followed, my stomach protesting loudly. Before entering, I puked in the nearest bush. Once inside, we sat on the stage. "I can play piano!" I bragged, but she was too busy complaining for a waiter. So we waited in a dull silence…It took a while, but someone finally came over and we ate some cheese pizza. I think that's all penguins ever eat. I didn't even like it very much. After that, then it was back to the house…I wondered if I should go back to feed my puffle Flipengy but…oh well. I sent her a corny best friend for life card instead and she was overjoyed.

Oh yeah I forgot…we weren't friends…I was _adopted_.

We did a lot together. I beat her at Find Four…we went all around the club, each time returning to her igloo where she proceeded to treat me like a baby.

"PJ time." She told me, even though it had only been an hour from the last PJ time. I put on my bunny hood that would make me run extra fast. Then I put on floaties. She shook her head at me, and in a stern voice said, "No." Ignoring her, I put on my famous glasses and some dirty boots and began to run around the house like a maniac while she screamed at me. I got up on the couch, jumping and dancing. She glared, turning red. I stuck my tongue out, relishing in her anger. She wanted to me a kid, so here I was acting extremely childish. Too bad my actions went unappreciated.

"NO STORY TIME FOR YOU!" She blasted across the family room. I fell off the couch, looking stunned. "What? You can't…" "Good night!"

That was fun, but the part where she stuffed me into the cage of a crib wasn't. I ran away from "home" and hid behind a tree in the forest. She wasn't too bright, because she couldn't find me and got all angry and started crying. Later, I returned to her and we made up, and did even MORE crap together. Finally, one last time…we entered her igloo…

"HERE'S YOUR BOTTLE!" She blurted out her famous line, shoving the baby bottle into my arms. I hid it under a couch cushion behind my back and turned to face her as she stared at me lovingly.

I narrowed my eyes. "Thanks. I've got to go now…places to be…"

She understood. "Bye." She said quietly about a million times, avoiding eye contact. I left without a second glance, wondering if I'd see her again and what fantasies I would have to endure then.


	20. The Ghost in the Emergency Room

**Only two reviews for that last chapter? I'm disappointed. Come on, I bet I'm a lot busier than you guys are…this is my busiest time of year! Of course, with all the snow, it's gone from the busiest to the laziest. Oh well. Please leave a review for this one? Please? Don't make me break out the cookies again.**

**~Chapter 20: The Ghost in the Emergency Room**

"Hospital at Wubzy on the map!"

My ears I didn't have pricked up at those words, like a cat that had detected a mouse in the vicinity. Hospital…that was new. It sounded interesting so of course I went, having no idea what would be there. Later, I regretted it, but not entirely because it made for a good tale. Anyways, I went into that hospital and it seemed friendly enough…then I noticed slyly that there were all girls.

And maybe gay guys.

But they were all painted bright flashy colors such as pink, lime, and purple. Usually girls wear those colors.

And maybe gay guys.

Anyways…the downstairs was a nice waiting room complete with a front desk, a comfy couch, and a TV with a game of penguins playing ice hockey. They were sliding around like retards, slamming into the walls as they tripped over their own feet, chasing after a puck that just couldn't be captured. Drool was coming out of a blue penguin's mouth.

"The blue team is winning!" A penguin on the couch said happily as a blue team member went crashing into the goal post, head first. This was the only male penguin in the whole igloo and he was so occupied with the TV, which left the rest of the ladies all to me. I didn't feel like waiting around with this dork in the waiting room. I wasn't ready to leave yet either, as my short-attention spanned friend Rhutter might have done.

Instead, I went straight upstairs to the hospital part. Bookshelves separated small rooms with chairs connected to lie on. Penguins were sitting on the chairs while friendly nurses wearing light blue aprons fixed them up, even though they were just playing pretend. In a corner, many stools were connected with a penguin lying on it, flailing about. "I'm going to sew the leg on. Get ready." Two nurses told the patient. She cried out in pain, although both legs were perfectly intact.

Next to that was a container of ice, along with a cabinet. A nurse was digging through it, muttering to herself about giving someone stitches. On its other side, there were two goalie nets shoved together to form a makeshift cage, which reminded me slightly of my "crib." A brown penguin girl was sitting inside the cage giggling. I walked over, staring.

"Why are you in there?" I asked.

"Woof!" She burst out laughing. "Woof!"

I just assumed that was the mentally dangerous retardation control cage.

"Want to be adopted…" She whined as I turned away, wondering how I could get some attention and get a "room" of my own. "I need a doctor." I moaned, racing around the upstairs. "I'm dying!" Some looked over at me, ready to help, but suddenly a rich-looking member penguin burst out, "I'M IN LABOR! HELP ME!"

Immediately, the nurses started crowing frantically and shoved the lady into a stall. The hospital turned chaotic. Three other girls started shouting echoes of the first girl. The nurses scattered, grabbing all of them and shoving them in stalls.

I ran in circles, greatly disturbed. Everyone was yelling "I'm in labor" "Help" or "Push." More and more were joining the fuss. I took a deep breath to make my voice heard over everyone else's. "HELP! HELP! HELP!" I roared.

A pretty pink nurse grabbed me and led me into an empty stall. She sat me down. "Are you expecting?" She said breathlessly.

My eye twitched. "No…I'm a guy."

She was about to say something in response, but her words were drowned out by the other penguins in the igloo screeching and crying as if they had years of practice at Drama School.

"You're going to live!"

"No I'm dying, it's too late."

"You made it!"

"Where is the baby?"

"Push!"

"WHERE IS HE?!"

"Here he is!" The pink nurse said suddenly, grabbing my flipper and shoving me towards some crazy-looking girl. She smiled warmly. I backed away, unsure of whether to run for it or not.

"Um…" I opened my beak, ready to make some sort of excuse, but I couldn't think of what to say.

"Come back to my house honey!"

I went back with her to her igloo, sighing, and went inside. There she told me to go to bed. Seriously. What is with all these penguins that want to adopt me these days? There must have been some conspiracy going on or something!

"Want me to read you a story?" Without waiting for a response, she started. "This is called the little penguin that could."

Could what? Kill himself?

"Once there was a little penguin that could."

Kill himself?

"He was sliding down a hill on his belly. Then he fell off."

I was right.

"But he landed on a slide so he was okay."

Darn it. How'd a slide get there?

"So he could."

…

"The End. Did you like that story?"

"No." I said, and left the house, heading back to the hospital. I got inside. Good. The epidemic had calmed down and it was a little less crowded. I resumed my plan from earlier.

"Help! I'm dying!" I said, collapsing on the second floor, sides heaving.

A nurse came over. She gave me a room. I was lying down, my eyes flickering weakly. "I'm dying…" I said again, making my voice falter. I was just so good at this. Some penguins waddled over and stared at me, making things a bit awkward.

"I'll get you a new heart!" She said happily. Oh, right, because new hearts just solve everything; swine flu, cancer, mrsa, you name it. Even if it did work, it wouldn't have worked on me because I didn't have a heart to begin with.

I shook my head slowly, wheezing, my voice rattling in my throat. "You're too late. I see it."

"See what?" One onlooker wondered out loud.

"I see the light!" The small crowd that was watching me gasped. "No!" "The light's so bright." I whispered. "I wish I could have…before I died…I wish…I…good…bye…"

I stopped breathing, rolling my eyes into my head and lying perfectly still. "He's dead!" Someone cried. There was a long silence. "Wanna go get some pizza?" The crowd parted, now that the drama was over. Plus, no one wanted to be responsible for preparing the funeral. The nurse from before remained, looking fearful that she would lose her job. With lightning speed, I removed my clothing. I stood up on the chair, my white chest standing out in the gloom of the stall. I had always wanted to be a stripper.

"I'm a ghost now…" I said eerily. "I haunt this room." The nurse let out a sudden scream and ran outside yelling "A GHOST A GHOST!" I blinked. Wow. Some people are just too gullible. I hid behind the chair. Eventually, a different nurse came by with a patient and sat her down.

"What's wrong?" The hospital worker asked. "I cut my arm off!" The patient responded happily.

Now that is one major emo.

I made a loud rasping noise that sounded like Smeagol's breathing. "Get out…" I hissed. "Get out!" The nurse flinched and backed away, wide-eyed.

"Why?" The emo said stupidly.

"I died here…and now I haunt this stall! Leave! Now!"

"Oh." She just sat there.

A minute later, after describing a bunch of random and gory things I was going to do to her, she finally got the message…I began to scream a high-pitched ghostly scream. She was out of that igloo before you could say mullet. It scared pretty much everyone else out of the hospital too. Things had majorly calmed down. There was two left inside besides me after another ten minutes…

The front desk lady, who had fallen asleep and the same guy still watching television. I waddled over then popped out from behind the TV. "Boo!" I shouted randomly. He looked at me dumbly and guffawed. "The blue team's still winning!"

"Really?" I mused, and sat down to watch it with him.


	21. Kristi Says No

**More reviews. Now that's more like it. Here's an update as a reward.**

**On a side note, Club Penguin is beginning to haunt me in the real world. I saw a parrot at the pet shop named Lelee. I also saw an electronic sign at a bank that read "Do you?" I waited for it to change so I could find out what it was asking but it didn't…yikes. Oh hey, any of you watch Lost? That was a really good episode the other night. Enough of my rambling, just read.**

**~Chapter 21: Kristi Says No**

I had just gotten rid of a clarinet player I was going out with. I must say it was fine work. There was a dramatic showdown, which I told her the truth in the end. "I hate you…and…clarinets…suck."

I knew every word had reached her pebble-sized brain, because she let out an angry, surprised face. I left her igloo, feeling triumphant. That would be the last time a woodwind player messed with a brass player! She had been a waste of time and I had a lot to get back to. I had been helping a n00b around the club. Odd thing, I have a soft spot for n00blets. They're so clueless and always need a lot of help with the simplest of tasks. Luckily, I, winner of the Good Citizenship Award four times in a row, was here to help. Her name was Kristi. It sounded like a name a n00b would have.

Earlier, she had been following me around like a chick following its mother. Once I ended the relationship with the clarinet, I went back to find her, feeling bad I had deserted her at the promise of a new relationship in which to take advantage of a poor sucker. Kristi held no grudge. She made an overexcited heart and ran towards me, grinning and bouncing on the balls of her large penguin feet. I couldn't help but smile back at her. N00blets are such fun little people.

She was wearing a friendship bracelet and she was colored a bright, shocking pink. I had given her directions on how to do this earlier and she had proved successful. So we did a few things together, including find four and mancala. As usual, I always won by a mile, especially at mancala. Soon, the novelty of her wore off. I got sick of her boring, hyper ways and retreated to my igloo where my ferocious puffle Flipengy greeted me. I fed him quickly before he decided to eat my face off. Apparently, Kristi had finally figured out how to work a doorknob because she came in as I finished up with Flipengy. I had taught her a little too well.

"Hi!" She burst out happily, looking overly excited.

"Hey." I greeted airily, blinking. My eyes were bleary and tired. I glanced at the invisible watch on my wrist. It read around 10. I sighed, suddenly feeling drained. "Listen, Kristi. I've got to go. I'm really tired."

"No!" She said defiantly, stomping her foot on the floor like a little kid. My half-closed eyes widened in surprise. "Stay here. Please!" She added as an afterthought.

I went to respond, but my beak stretched into a wide yawn. "I have to go to bed. It's late." If she didn't leave soon, I would probably pass out with her in the room. And who knows what she would have done to me in my sleep.

"It's NOT late." She argued, oblivious to my fatigue.

"Maybe it is where I'm standing." I retorted, summoning up what energy I had left to argue with her. "I have to go to bed. I wake up at 6. Do the math! Ten minus six is eight hours of sleep! Wait a minute…" I counted my flippers, but realized I only had two and just left it at that.

"Stay a little longer." She whimpered. "I want to talk."

I rolled my eyes, unable to resist her pathetic powers of persuasion. Nice alliteration. Nice rhyme. Moving on…"Okay, but make it quick." I replied, reaching up to rub my eyes.

She celebrated for a few minutes and I endured, waiting for her to say what was on her mind. Then she paused, staring at me wide-eyed, breathing heavily. I waited for what she had to say, clinging desperately to my last scrap of patience. "Understand my meaning?" She said in a quiet voice. What?! She sounded like a monkey from a swamp.

"No." I shook my head, now impatient. "I've really gotta go. Please leave. I'm tired, it's late, and I have to go to bed." I glanced at Flipengy. He was swaying on the spot, unable to sleep because of the noise Kristi was making.

"NOOOOOOOOO" She roared, flapping her flippers and stomping on the ground like a little child throwing a temper tantrum. This disagreement went on for a few minutes. I was becoming more and more tired with every second. I had to keep blinking because my eyes were so unfocused and dry.

If I wasn't careful I would fall asleep with Kristi in the room. She probably wasn't really a n00b but really an undercover agent sent by my fangirls. She would drag my unconscious body back to their hideout and then proceed to use my half-dead body in a shrine. They would probably bind me so I wouldn't be able to escape. Then they would give me makeovers and…and…okay, I was definitely way too tired now. My imagination was going wild.

Just as I was about to enter round two of the argument, every bone in my body froze, as if ice water had filled my veins. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. There was a soft clicking sound, the sound of a door opening. The knob turned slowly, slowly, and the door swung forward with a creak that seemed to last forever. A shiver coursed through my numb body, sending me into a fit of trembling. Then, slowly and stiffly, she entered the igloo. I looked on in horror as the black penguin wearing an ice crown, the penguin that crept along the edge of my nightmare at night, opened the door and stepped inside my house. She glared at me and Kristi.

"Hello." She greeted coldly, as cold as the frozen ice on her head. She narrowed her eyes and nodded towards Kristi. "Who is this?"

"Hi!" Kristi greeted, bouncing around the igloo like a walrus on crack. "Hi Lelee! Hi Hipengy's friend!"

Friend was definitely not the right word.

I swallowed nervously, clearing a lump out of my throat. "Hey Lelee." I said carefully, "Can you please leave? I was trying to get Kristi to leave. It's late, but she keeps telling me it's not."

"It is pretty late." Lelee agreed, looking thoughtful.

"Yeah. And I get up at six, so that's only about eight hours of sleep I'll get if I go to bed now." I continued on, shocked that I was actually making a conversation with Lelee. Usually, she lost it by the second word I said to her.

She agreed. "Yeah. I get up at…" She trailed off, staring hard at the door. It flung open. Rhutter stood there, flippers spread apart as he made his grand entrance.

"Now it's a party!" He shouted, striding into the igloo and beginning to dance. Kristi looked caught off guard, then smiled, and mimicked Rhutter, dancing away. "Hello Rhutter…" Lelee said quietly, but it went unheard.

"Oh yeah!" I smiled and started dancing a little bit myself.

Lelee didn't dance at all. Instead, she glowered furiously and spat, "Oh sure, say you're going when I come in the igloo, but don't when he shows up!" She pointed a ferocious flipper at Rhutty. He ignored her and kept dancing, thoroughly enjoying himself. I blinked stupidly. "I mean I know I have problems, but that is just LOW!"

Lelee knew she had problems…I had told her to her face once. Maybe I had ruined her self-image and she would never be the same. Let's reminisce, shall we?

FLASHBACK! (Boy, I love these babies.)

"_It's all my fault! I am so stupid!"_

_Well, she knew that much. I faced her, flaring up. "It's not your fault at all! It's all Lelee's fault…SHE HAS ISSUES!!!" Looper chuckled from behind me._

"_Nice, Hip." He said quietly._

_I faced Lelee standing in the doorway, wide-eyed. "HIPENGY!" She shrieked, angrier than ever. "I HEARD THAT! YOU LIED TO ME!" Hey, I lie to everyone. "FINE! I WILL ADMIT IT…I HAVE PROBLEMS! THERE! I CUFFESS! NOW ARE YOU HAPPY?!?!?" She looked me directly in the eyes, and I could see every inch of hatred. Instead of responding to her question, I simply said…_

"_You spelled confess wrong."_

UNFLASHBACKTHINGY

I barely noticed Lelee slam the door in my face as I stood there, soaking in those fine, fine memories. Rhutter cackled gleefully and zoomed after her, no doubt going to follow her back to her igloo to piss her off some more. Kristi and I remained.

I snapped out of my daze. She beamed at me.

"I've got to go now." I said quietly. "Good night."

"Nooo!" She wailed dramatically, once again flapping her flippers and stomping her feet.

"YES!!!" I bellowed and shoved her out the door, making sure to slam it in her face and lock it securely.


	22. To Save the Planet

**IMPORTANT! READ THIS:**

**Okay that is IT! I want more reviews! So I'm gonna get more reviews!! Remember that 100 review special? Well I'll tell it to you early just so I get more responses (and I know I will!) So this is going to be a long author's note so you'd better read it!**

**The 100 review special is a story in which some of my reviewers will be in! I've already figured out a basic plot. At first, it was going to be my CP Mission stories, but I decided you guys would appreciate something more original better. Plus, I've gotten a lot of requests from people to put them in a story. So here's your chance. Unfortunately, I'm not going to pick all of you…I'll probably only pick about five of you, more or less.**

**If you are interested in being in the story, leave a comment or PM me, then I'll message you back with what info you need to include. Think of it as a sort of competition. So you'd better review!**

**Well, this is my last update for a while so you'll have plenty of time to do what I just said. Meanwhile, I'm extremely busy and stressed so see you in the next update a month or two from now. Remember to REVIEW!**

**~Chapter 22: To Save the Planet**

Club Penguin recently stuck in a new building. It's a movie theater where penguins get up and perform. Usually it's a big mess, but once I take the stage, everything seems to come together. There were some random people scattered. There was one gay penguin that was a guy but acting like a girl name Megalifter. He/She/It was an astronaut along with two other ladies name Ultra Pink and Cutie. The last two girls were Jules and Misaki. Yeah, so the stage was all set for a space theme. Half of it was an ugly planet, the other half the inside of a spaceship. It all looked stupid and fake. I sat in the top box, watching the penguins scramble about, confused. I heard a small squeak behind me. I turned in my seat and saw a golden puffle perched behind me. I blinked stupidly and it blinked back at me in astonishment. Then, as quickly as he had come, he was gone. I smiled slightly. Penguins would kill for the information on what I had just seen.

A second later, I noticed the crew needed some aliens. I decided to go help them in their search. I leaped out of the box and landed neatly on the stage. No one seemed to notice my great feat. I heard Megalifter order "Aliens in the spacecraft!" so I got into the tiny claustrophobic craft sitting on the planet side. A girl got in with me, looking confused. She was light blue with a crown and a black and orange Halloween scarf. Her name was Misaki. "Hey. I'm the prince of aliens!" I said importantly, puffing out my chest.

"Can I be the princess?" She asked, looking retarded.

I nodded and she smiled. "Okay…" She definitely wasn't the brightest penguin ever to walk the club. We all know that's me. Or not. Take your pick. So yeah, I put on an outfit like hers. I had my Viking helmet, my scarf, and of course an eye patch. Don't ask why. I can't answer that.

The lights darkened. The play started. Although there were only about five people watching, I gave it my all, making stuff up as I went.

"Prince!" Misaki said loudly for the billionth time.

"Yes!" I said, rolling my eyes as I maintained a dramatic voice. "I am the prince. And Misaki is my princess!" She giggled gleefully.

Suddenly, whatever was going on in the other part of the stage took an abrupt turn. The astronauts had arrived on our planet. "We've reached an uncharted planet!" "I'm picking up alien signals." No, you're picking up heat waves from my body. I gripped Misaki's flipper in my own and we walked over stiffly as the audience gawked and clapped at the wrong moments. "Greetings!" I said with gusto. "We come in peace. Take us to your leader!" Although the script read "take us to your birdfeeder" I thought it could use some tweaking. Apparently Megalifter thought so too, because instead of making friends like the script said so, the penguin pulled out a blaster and pointed it at me. "Watch out, alien! I'm armed!"

"A prop!" I smirked. "I'm so scared."

Megalifter roared and pushed the button. A red laser beam shot out and hit me squarely in the chest. At just the right time, I recoiled, crying out in agony. Ultra and Cutie separated from their leader to shoot at other random actors on the stage that were just standing around dancing or shouting random lines from the script. "I am the Prince of Aliens!" I said, cracking my voice so it sounded like I was injured. I hoped the penguins in the boxes were impressed by my performance, because that's about all there was to the audience. "How dare you come here and hurt my people!"

"TAKE THAT ALIEN!" Mega roared and continuously pulled the trigger. And cut the cheese. But enough about that! I crumpled to the floor as Mega shouted something about maximizing the power.

"No more." I panted dramatically. "I am dying…"

In Club Penguin, nobody knows you're dying unless you say it flat out. So I had to say a few lines so the people knew what was going on. See, if a penguin were lying in a pool of blood with his limbs ripped apart and his throat torn open, everyone would assume he was merely taking a nap. If a perfectly healthy penguin randomly said they were dying, they'll rush him to the hospital before you can say anchovy.

And now back to the show.

"No more. I am dying…you have killed me and my people." I stole a glare at Mega and turned my eyes upon Misaki. "Princess, defeat the earthlings for me. That is my last wish before I go. Destroy them as they destroyed me."

"You're leaving?" She said in her loud dumb voice. "Oh okay, you're leaving. Bye Hipengy!" No, she seriously thought I was leaving. Stop laughing.

"Give us the hydolifizer and you will be spared!" Mega demanded.

Hubba wha?

"Never!" I bellowed through my death veil.

"Okay." Misaki handed over a weird-looking prop.

I nearly fell over. Stupid princess…

"We've got it! The earthlings have victory!" Ultra shrieked in a high-pitched annoying voice that I would love to put an end to. I stood up, brushing dirt off my feathers. Stupid princess. I guess I would have to keep the show going then. I dashed into the ship, making as much noise as I could. "I'm invading!" I cackled. No one got the message until I yelled chomp. Then they got the impression I was eating them. Mega attacked again. It was a fierce battle. All the while, some freak named Jules and Misaki were still standing back on Planet Hipengy saying the words, "Prince." Over and over again. It's fine ladies, Prince Hipengy will do, no need to call me Prince.

I left the battle for a moment to cross the stage, irritated. "Yes?"

"Can I be your princess?" Jules beamed at me in a creepy sort of way.

"Prince." Misaki was still spouting drivel. Yay! A vocabulary word!

I didn't answer. "Come to my igloo." Jules said sweetly after a moment. Those words always scare me. 'Come to my igloo back in the dark alley so we can get to know each other…' Creepy! I ignored her invitation to and turned my attention to Misaki. "What?" I asked patiently. The audience didn't seem to care anymore and most had left. Misaki was breathing heavily and sweating. She looked scary…and slightly cross-eyed.

"Prince…to save the planet…we must…" She paused, staring at me wildly, her blue cheeks turning red with effort.

"We must what?"

"To save…" She began again and cut off.

"How will we save the planet?" I asked, getting annoyed.

"To save the planet…we must…" A long pause. "Hug."

Aww, she liked the big bad playa.

"Well let's save the planet then." I said, forcing a smile.

She wrapped her flippers around me. "Hugs Prince! Hugs Hipengy! Hugs! Hugs!" She shouted in my ear over and over again.

"Hugs?" I said quietly, trying to match up to what she was doing.

She grasped me for what seemed like forever, then finally backed off, giggling nervously. "My igloo?" She asked tentatively. We went there. "We saved the planet!" She bellowed as we came inside.

I forced another smile. "Yeah we did."

"We did." She breathed, her glassy eyes unfocused and strange.

"Wanna go back?" I asked.

"Sure." She shrugged. But I lost her on the way over. That's what she gets for being dumb, I suppose. So Jules wasn't too happy when I got back. Nor was anyone else. Mega got mad because I called him a girl by accident. I defended myself with "Well you were acting like a girl." Which was the wrong move, because Mega threw a tantrum and cried that I was the girl, not him. I hate it when people can't come up with their own comebacks. Besides it's not like being called a girl is a horrible insult. I've heard much worse. Ultra and Cutie were shrieking in high-pitched voices like a pair of idiots as they tried to control the ship, complaining they wouldn't take off. I wonder why. Maybe because the ship is apart of a stage set?

So Jules left in a huff after I wouldn't give her my full attention or whatever. Then meanwhile there was this girl in a corner, crying that she couldn't act. What's acting—you come, you say some stuff, you go home! "I can't act…but I can dance!" She sniffled after hearing a few consoling words out of my wonderful beak. She got up and started doing a strange jig. I went back to acting, but a minute later, she was on the floor crying again. I sighed and waddled back on over.

"What now?" I asked.

"I danced but they laughed at me!" She bawled dramatically. And she said she wasn't a good actor!

"I'll teach you to act." I offered weakly. "You can be the alien princess." She brightened up. "Really? Yay!"

I led her over where Mega was still boiling over. "Hipengy acts like a girl!" He cried, sobbing and making angry faces. Some form to gain sympathy?

"No he doesn't." The not actress said. "He's cool."

That's right!

And she was boring.

So all three girls of the night disappeared into dust.

We had saved the planet, but I had destroyed them.


	23. Death by Hearts

**Go back and read the Author's Note in the chapter before this if you haven't already. And then review.**

**This is a pretty good chapter. Some of the girls in this crack me up. I actually made a quiz for my friends… "Which Insane Hipengy Fangirl Are You?" I took it myself and ended up with Borago. Borago is…well, just read the chapter.**

**~Chapter 23: Death by Hearts**

One of my best schemes in a while—I hadn't been playa lately and I was beginning to get bored with the alien play. I was standing down there on stage, trying to convince people to stop arguing, that Planet X was really Planet Hipengy and that pianos aren't met to be hit with drumsticks. Seriously. Suddenly there was this pink girl wearing a purple dress up in one of the boxes wailing, "I'M SO ALONE!" So I knew it was time to spring into action. I climbed up to the box and sat down next to her. "And now you're not." I said cheekily.

Pink Lumina, the girl, beamed. "Thank you! Boy or girl?"

"Boy." I responded. I had the mind to get on her nerves by asking if she was a guy in a dress, but I bit my tongue. Instead, from out of nowhere, I conjured a flower. I gave it to her and asked if she was feeling better.

"You're so sweet!" She howled. She started making hearts and I made one back. Then, from out of nowhere came a plain pink girl. She made a heart but I ignored her, complimenting Pink on how nice she was. Borago, the girl who had invaded our booth said thanks.

"Not you." I gave her a look of disgust. "Pink Lumina."

Pink looked slightly annoyed as Borago burst out, "NO ME!!!"

"I'm with Pink." I explained, trying to knock some sense into her.

"Well I'm with you." Borago stated, batting her eyelashes. I arched an eyebrow, impressed by her straightforwardness.

"Please go away." I could tell Pink was getting angry. "Please go away." She said again.

"She said please." I pointed out modestly.

"NO!" Borago fumed and shot another heart at me. "I don't care!" More hearts. Pink started hearting angrily too. I felt crowded, smothered with the redness of the many hearts closing in on me. I hate being crowded. "Ahh!" I screeched, ready to dive off the balcony. "MINE!" Borago roared, making a grab for me. Some yellow idiot strolled over. "What's going on?" She asked.

"They're fighting." I signaled to the two angry girls bellowing whom I belonged to. The yellow idiot glared at me.

"Apologize!" She bellowed. I stared, dumbfounded. "Leave now, or I'll make you." She threatened.

"Huh? But I didn't do anything…"

"I'm a secret agent I'll have you know! So leave before I report you!"

"So am I." I snorted. "But I didn't do anything wrong!"

The yellow idiot's eyes widened and she seemed to consider me. "Boy or girl?" She asked thoughtfully. At my answer of boy, she made a heart. My eyes widened. I felt like I was going to have another panic attack. "Hipengy, my igloo." Pink Lumina demanded. "Okay." I agreed, a little too fast.

"ADD ME!" Borago shrieked, but Pink Lumina brushed her off and left for her igloo. I began to follow, but Borago grabbed my shoulders and shook them furiously. "ADD ME!" I added her. Just to see what would happen later. Then I went to the igloo. Pink was waiting for me. She didn't look pleased at first, but brightened when I came to heart her. "Thanks." She said quietly. "You really are nice." More hearts. This was starting to bore me. When she wasn't looking, I checked my buddy list. Borago was at the iceberg, probably trying to tip it with other lunatics. I turned back to Pink, who was staring at the wall.

"Now what?" I asked.

"Dance." She said simply and started to do that robotic penguin dance that everyone always does. I did it with her, rolling my eyes. We danced pointlessly for a minute. "What next?" I prodded, but she seemed content with being a retard. I quickly pulled out my list again to see where Borago was. Back at the stage! Hmm…I had a plan. "Let's go back." I suggested. "Want to go to the stage?"

She looked confused. "Where?"

"The stage. Meet you there!" I didn't bother to check if she heard me or not. I left and came to the stage, taking up residence in the booth from earlier. A minute later, she came in, smiling and sat down next to me. I didn't see Borago anywhere. She must have left. "Good show." I signaled to the stage and clapped my flippers a bit, slightly disappointed that the pink menace wasn't here. Pink Lumina agreed and began to make more hearts. Ahh! Then a yellow penguin dressed for the beach came over and gave a heart.

"Who are you?" I asked, although I had a faint idea who this was.

"Your friend. Check your buddy list." I recognized the annoying voice of Borago. Pink Lumina opened her beak angrily, but a black surfer shouldered her aside and started throwing hearts all over the place. Borago directed her hearts at me, making Pink spring into action. Hearts everywhere! I was confused…I wanted to make a dramatic plot twist occur. I began to keep hearting, only this time I was looking at Borago, like I was in a trance. Pink sprang off the balcony; dress askew as she tried to escape the maddening hearts. The surfer dude followed her, hearting all the way. I kept hearting. Borago finally got the idea. She squealed a happy squeal. Pink Lumina gaped.

"Hipengy!" She frowned, pushing away the surfer as he gave up and left.

"Borago." I murmured dreamily and made another heart. "I'm so happy!" Borago gibbered. More and more hearts. Seriously, this is the heartiest chapter. Pink finally got the gist of things and began to sob, tears making her pretty dress wet. "Don't cry!" I called down to her, but Borago distracted me and we kept on. "Your igloo?" She offered and I nodded. We got in and there was Pink Lumina waiting for us, along with a random girl that had added me named Fuzzy.

"Higpeny!" Pink blubbered. I stared, horrified at the ugly misspelling.

"My igloo." Borago said testily and we went there instead. MORE AND MORE HEARTS! JUST SHOOT ME ALREADY!

So her blue puffle pulled out a pistol, aimed for my heart, and pulled the trigger.

Just kidding. It was boring in there too.

"I like to snowboard. How about you?" She prodded. "Me too!" I gasped dramatically. Not. "Awesome!" She beamed. "I like to swim too. How about you?" I thought about how in toddler penguin swim training I got put in the lowest group, even though that was for the drowners. I don't know why—I could swim. Just because I couldn't do that gay penguin paddle, they thought I was mental or something. "I'm good at it." I said in a monotone voice. I think her face was going to explode if she smiled anymore. I don't even need to say what she did next; I'll just say that it was red. And no she was not bleeding, although it probably would have been better that way.

"What's your favorite animal?" I asked weakly. "Dogs! How about you?" HBN? "I have three." I was getting really bored so I asked if she wanted to go somewhere. "Umm, how about coffee?" Was her response. We came inside and sat down. I sat down on my favorite couch and she sat next to me. Apparently, next to me wasn't good enough, because she moved onto my square and wrapped her flippers around me. I stifled a groan. "Waiter." I called and the penguin stepped on over. "Two mochas."

"Here." The waiter was that Fuzzy girl! What a stalker. She spilled coffee all over the couch as she hurriedly served us.

"Thanks. Here's your tip." I pulled out a coin, but Fuzzy backed off to go sit in a corner with—Pink Lumina! Was this a conspiracy? She was wearing some sort of pirate dress, maybe a substitute for a mourning gown. "Hipengy." She crowed through her tears. Borago looked on with a hint of amusement. "She's here…" I could tell she enjoyed making her cry. Well…I did too, but that's not the point. "Should we go?" She asked. "No this is interesting." I mused. She bawled and bawled as we sipped our coffee. Sooner or later, I began to feel a little sorry for her that she had that much water in her. I waddled over. "Please don't cry." I asked weakly. "I'm a sucker for tears." That made her cry even harder while another random girl burst into tears. I ignored her. "Hipengy." Borago called for me. I waddled back to her. "So you like dogs?" She resumed our pointless conversation. "Yes. I have three." I repeated, keeping one ear glued to the other side of the room where Pink Lumina had started to gain sympathy from people.

"What's wrong?" One girl named Pure Heart asked.

"Hipengy, you've shattered my heart into a hundred pieces!" She wailed dramatically.

"What did he do?" Pure urged her gently.

"He left me." She continued to weep. "He likes Borago more than me!"

"Then you must show your stuff and win his heart!" Pure declared.

What heart? I mean…

Suddenly, Pink seemed to transform. Literally. She threw off her mourning outfit and donned sunglasses and a cheerleading uniform. Like that would attract me. I hated cheerleaders. I was band geek through and through. She came up to me. I saw a tear dribble out from underneath her glasses. She opened her mouth to talk, but only managed a choked sob. Borago dragged me off to her igloo in a hurry just in case I decided to turn the tables again. Time for another boring conversation. "Want to play find four?" I invited. She accepted and was whisked away to the attic. I began to walk there when I was suddenly invited to a strange igloo and transported there.

"Hey! Why am I here?" I said angrily.

There were two chairs in the room. Fuzzy rested in one of them. I felt like I was on Dr. Phil or Judge Judy or something like that. "Get them!" She ordered. "Why did you invite me here?" I asked and left when I got another invitation—this time from Pink. She stood there in her costume. She smiled when I came in. Then her smile wavered and she burst into tears. I rolled my eyes and left. More followed that—Find Four, an episode at the nightclub, the coffee shop again…

Eventually, Borago had to leave along with the other two. That left…Pink Lumina. Cackling, I found the crybaby and proceeded to become a lost puppy dog. I came into the nightclub, looking downcast. Her eyes followed me over to the steps. I sat down, frowning, and let out a loud sigh. She couldn't resist me, and wandered over. I began to upset over how Borago deserted me and I missed Pink Lumina's sweet personality and that I was so, so sorry. That won her over. Of course, I had to endure more of her boring ways the rest of the night but…who can resist Hipengy?


	24. Darth Hipengy

**Hehe, you can tell this is a good chapter just by the title. It's also a really long one. I hope you enjoy it, and make sure to review. Although, we have over 100 reviews now so that means I'll start on my story! Might not be too late to get a character in. I'll give you guys a couple more weeks.**

**By the way, anybody know what "the eagle has landed on the roof" means? **

**~Chapter 24: Darth Hipengy**

Today wasn't one of my lucky days. I was in the town, and it seemed I couldn't get any girls. There was this one member obsessing over how cute I was and trying to get her friend to date me, but that was about it—no luck whatsoever. I finally got one named Kiddo but they were so boring I broke up with them instantly and left to rule the Pizza Parlor. Later she came in with a new boyfriend and was talking really loudly. He was ugly…and broke up with her! Haha, sucks for her. Then she came over and started acting all nice but I was like just go away.

Then there was this one waitress and well…I was bored and I made her the boss. Her name was Skully. Then I dressed up like a gangsta. I looked like a black version of Rhutter with a skull pirate cap, a red bandana and an eye patch, which has no been replaced by a ninja mask these days. Then I went up and started taking all the money.

"Takes money." I said, to get the point across. "Shoots. Shoots!" One girl named Sophie started yelping about the police, so I tried to silence her. Eventually, everyone was turned against me.

"You're mean!" They shouted. Only one agreed with me. Emo Dude. "Riot!" He screamed like an idiot. "RIOT!" We were a team with a few others, but Emo had to leave and the others randomly disappeared after a while too.

"Hey, where'd my team go?" I asked. "They left me!"

"Arrest Hipengy! He's mean!" People yelled, pretty much everyone's attention focused on me. This was pretty fun. "Why are you being mean?" One asked.

"I can't help it. I'm evil!" I cackled.

"No! Turn good!" People begged.

"No way!" I ran around, taking peoples money, "shooting" and pushing people.

"Pushes Hipengy into wall!" One girl named Gal said desperately, flailing at me with her flippers. "Pushes Hipengy into wall!" I rolled my eyes. "Ow." I responded sarcastically. Skully, the new boss, and another weirdo named Buffy were also against me.

I laughed like a maniac. "I'll never be good! I am…DARTH HIPENGY! Hmm…Meta Hipengy sounds cool too. Which do you prefer?"

They were too busy shouted "Grabs Hipengy!" to hear me. Cool it ladies, you'll all get a turn to grab me, just wait in line.

Then Buffy dressed up like a superhero and said, "I will turn you good!" And I was all; you can't, and took her money. This went on for a while. Gal shoving me, Skully running in circles, Buffy being stupid, Sophie screaming for the police. Finally, I said, "Join the Dark Side! We have cookies…and designer purses for the ladies."

"Cookies?" Buffy shrieked.

"I'm joining!" Gal declared.

"Me too." Skully said.

Sophie just kept screaming. I think she was retarded.

"Sign here and here and here." I told them, holding out the list that you have to sign when you're…y'know, evil.

"Signs." They all said together. Before I knew it, I had three gangsta girls on my side. "Welcome to the Dark Side. Are you surprised we lied about the cookies?" I said, but they weren't listening. They started running all around, attacking people for their money and yelling "Shoots!" Each time, they reported back and gave me the money saying, "Here you are leader."

I smiled. I felt like Rockhopper…only a cool mean version. Y'know what, let's never put the words 'cool' and 'Rockhopper' into the same sentence ever again. So, eventually, Skully left, Sophie kept screaming, and only those two remained…Buffy and Gal.

Then finally…the police showed up.

"Get Hipengy!" Sophie said in a shrill voice, "He attacked me!"

"You're coming with me!" Buffy said, acting like a cop, as the other cops tried to figure out what a Hipengy looked like.

"What? Traitor!" I said, my eyes widening.

"She's trying to get us out." Gal whispered, "Just play along." I narrowed my eyes, not so sure, but I did anyway. We surrendered. Then Buffy told us to get down on the ground. I did, but Gal started panicking. "Run, man!" She told me.

I stared at her. "You just told me we could trust her!"

Buffy sneered, "I betrayed you!"

"Quick! My igloo!" Gal grabbed me and we ran, Buffy hot on our heels. We got inside. I turned to the female thief.

"So did she betray us or not?" I asked, folding my flippers.

"She did!" She exploded. Then she settled down and said, "I'm not really evil. Seriously. I'm just playing."

"Yeah." I agreed sweetly, "I know."

"It's just a game." She told me, as if I hadn't known that. What? You think I go around being playa and robbing people in real life? NO! Then I got an invite to an igloo. Buffy's igloo. Hmm…I was getting sick of being gangsta and Gal was being annoying with her lecturing, so I decided I would go. I came in.

She sat at a desk with some seats in front of it. "Sit!" She bellowed, when I entered. I sat. As Rhutter would say…like a dog. She glared at me from her desk.

"Did you betray us?" I asked.

"Yes." She said proudly. "I am going to turn you good! You must stop this."

"I'll never be good again." I said dramatically. "You can't make me."

"You have two choices." She told me. I waited a while before she finally told me. "The first is you turn good and I'll be your friend."

"What's the other?" I said, almost too quickly.

"Stay evil and I'll never let you leave."

I snorted, "How are you going to do that?"

"I'll always watch you."

I shivered. Stalker! "I can't stop being evil." I told her, like it was some kind of curse. I guess that's what she thought, because she suddenly said,

"There is a spell." A random girl walked in and started watching this with interest. "Don't be the one that is evil. Be the one that is good." She said blankly, "Poof!"

I stood there. Um…was that supposed to make me good or something? Oh well. I took off my gangsta outfit and put on my Santa outfit, happy now that I could go back to my normal attire.

"You don't look evil anymore!" She squealed. Then her faced hardened, "You like to be good now!"

"I like to be good." I said, forcing a smile.

"That's good!" The random girl said.

"The deed is done…" Buffy sighed. "Falls over."

I stared at her. She waited for me to say something. Then she said again, "The deed is done…faints!" Then she laid down on the floor and watched me expectantly.

"She's dead." I said for no reason, wondering what else I was supposed to do.

"CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY!" The other girl moaned at the top of her lungs.

"Goodbye then." I said, and left the igloo. I left to find Gal, but then I noticed Buffy was inviting me back to her igloo. I sighed and went there. In her place was an ugly green dragon! What a disgusting costume!

"Goo goo." She said as I came through the door. I gaped. "My hero." She said, "You turned good."

"But you're…" I was about to blurt out ugly, but since I was supposed to be good, I decided to be nicer. "But you're…oh, how should I put this in a nice way…not very flattering to look at."

She smiled and came toward me. I made a barfing face and left, laughing to myself. Then I went to the town to see Gal, the sane one. She was talking to some random people. This one girl was crying and she was trying to make her feel better.

"I'm nice now." I told her. "This is what I normally look like." I pointed at my Santa outfit. She nodded and said, "Me too. This is what I normally wear."

Then there was a fat mermaid behind me, screaming, "I can't breath! Water! WATER!" In my ear. I could feel my poor eardrum crumple. I turned to see Buffy, once again, trying to get my attention. I ignored her and kept trying to talk to Gal, but she wasn't ready to give up yet. "RIVER! OCEAN! POND!" She screeched. My ears were throbbing. Finally, I gave her some attention.

"Just go to the cove." I said disgustedly.

"Can't walk!" She gasped.

Oh great.

"Picks up." I said, glaring at her. "Carries to cove." I walked her to the cove and she jumped in the water when we got there. She giggled like an idiot. I stood, watching her splash around. "Let's surf!" She said suddenly.

"Great!" I said with fake enthusiasm. I followed her towards the surf shack. She disappeared inside. I pretended to go in, but came back out after she was gone. Then I saw Gal.

"Buffy is weird." I told her.

She frowned. "Not really."

"Yeah she is." I hissed. "She's obsessed with me. She won't leave me alone!"

Gal laughed. Buffy came back, but luckily, she said she had to leave. I said my farewell with too big of a smile. Then Gal walked over to a random cliff and said, "Jumps off cliff. I believe I can fly!" I walked over and said, "Jumps off cliff. Smashes into rocks below." Too bad they put up invisible walls all over Club Penguin so it was nearly impossible for me to kill myself. Trust me, I had tried. Then I noticed Gal looking at me in horror. I couldn't believe what I had said reached her. Then she demanded we go jump off the mountain. Great, I just love committing suicide. After that, I asked her if she wanted to play Find Four. I easily won. Then we played mancala. The score was like…41 to 5. And guess who came back from the dead!

Sophie!

She stalked us, booing me and cheering on Gal. "Good move Gal!" She told her as I gained ten points. "That's not me." Gal said sourly, but at least she wasn't a poor sport.

Then we went to her igloo, deserted Sophie and guess who was there to greet us…Emo Dude! He started screaming something like, "The eagle has landed on the roof!" About fifty times…no exaggeration. A chill ran down my spine. That probably had some hidden meaning that I didn't want to know.

"The eagle has landed on Hipengy!" Gal laughed, clearly oblivious.

"That is one scary eagle!" Emo burst out.

I slapped my forehead. Great, thanks Gal. That probably has some hidden, maybe even disturbing meaning to it, and you just put my name in there with it. Great, just great. Emo said it over and over again along with the word riot, so eventually, I yelled, "Quiet!" at him. Bad move. "Quiet riot!" He said over and over again. "Shh…quiet riot!" Hmm…it did have a ring to it. Then this wimpy guy came in. He reminded me of Dorothy…his name was Guyspy. Immediately, he started giving Gal a hard time about her igloo so I got up and started harassing him instead.

"Lame igloo!" He bellowed, throwing snowballs at everything.

"Well you're a lame penguin." I said back, throwing my own snowballs at him at 95mph.

"This place is boring!" He roared.

"Your face is boring." I said back. Everyone went, "Ooh," and I was really surprised that went through.

"You're a lame brain!" He screamed, turning his anger at me.

"Lame Brain? That's a good nickname for you!" I said smugly. Guyspy started losing his cool. Luckily, everyone was on my side. Then we headed to the cove. Lame Brain was still angry. "I had a nightmare last night." He told me. I knew what was coming, so I beat him to it. "Me too. It had your face in it. Oh burn!" Everyone laughed.

"Pengy was in it." He said about a minute later.

"Who's Pengy?" I said dumbly. "I'm Hipengy…I don't know a Pengy."

"It's Hi Pengy." Gal told him. No, I'm afraid it's not, sweetheart, its just Hipengy. Pronounced HIP and ENGY. But I suppose Hi Pengy could work since some people thought I was high. Emo was screaming his quiet riot routine again. Eventually, Emo had to leave. We went over and sat down at the campfire. "Throws Hipengy into fire!" Lame Brain said suddenly. I walked over and stood in the fire all-cool. "It tickles." I said, as if I didn't care. Guyspy glared at me. Gal looked on, admiring my bravery.

"I'm immune to fire." I bragged, "I'm wearing a fire tablet." Then I sweatdropped, saying, "Hehe, I've been playing too many video games. Especially Okami."

"I love video games!" They both gasped. I gaped in awe. I had a new respect for these dimwits! "What's your favorite?" I asked. "Mario Kart." Gal replied. "Pokemon Battle." Guy responded. "Mine's…" I took a deep breath and said, "Zelda."

"I love that game!"

I nearly fainted. Happy Fourth of July! Did Zelda actually just make it through the filter? Oh Happy Day! I talked to them about Wii, all my favorites, some of their favorites, and more. Eventually, it was past midnight and I had to go.

I was feeling very happy that I had actually had a conversation with video game playing penguins. I made up with Guyspy and added him too! It was a very cool night.

So then I said goodbye, and headed for home.


	25. Why Hilling Is Bad

**This is the most recent of my Hipengy Adventures! So you know what that means…I'm gonna have to go back and dig through some word documents to see if I missed any good ones. And that also means that if I want to write any more chapters I'll have to get on Club Penguin some which shouldn't be too hard since it's summer. Oh and I'll get around to putting up the first chapter of my new story…eventually. **

**Yeah so don't freak out! The Chronicles aren't anywhere near over. That would just be depressing. So onward!**

**~Chapter 25: Why Hilling Is Bad**

So it was just a normal day in the pizza parlor. This manly guy had been crying his eyes out in a corner and when I asked what was wrong he got defensive, so of course I had to, y'know…piss him off by making fun of his poor spelling. It wasn't too hard to make this guy mad. "You don't speak English!" He growled angrily. I arched an eyebrow. Oh yeah. What a scathing comeback. That had to be the worst insult I had ever heard.

"Du bist richtig." I sighed in German, "I spreche kein Englisch. Ich spreche Deutsch! Und Sammy, du bist ein Popokopf…und ein Leisetrader!*"

He glared at me, wild-eyed, for a few awkward seconds. Then he muttered, "I'm outta here." And left, his good comebacks spent. Since I wasn't quite done pissing people off for the day, I marched right on up to the front desk and sat down at it, right in front of the boss. Then I reached over to the cash register and started fumbling around with it.

"What are you doing?" They asked, eyeing me cautiously.

"Oh, hi. I'm a robber." I said quite calmly, turning away from the register. "May I please have some money?"

"NO!" The boss shrieked, looking scared.

"I said please." I said, eyes widening innocently. "I have a family to feed. I have three kids!" Suddenly, they softened. Did you know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like green beans? Case and point.

"Okay, you can have a little bit." They said gently, opening the register. I reached in and grabbed every last cent. "Just kidding, I have no family. I'll be taking all of this now." They let out an angry, surprised face, and screamed something incoherently, but it was drowned out by a rather ear-piercing shriek.

"THIS IS A ROBBERY!"

"Sorry buddy, beat ya to it." I said without looking as I slipped the last of the coins into my imaginary pockets. But they kept on screaming things along the lines of "Takes money!" and "This is a robbery!" all the while they kept up a continuous stream of insane laughter. I stopped what I was doing for a moment to look at this crazy dude. He was red with a black ninja mask and that's basically all there was to him. His name was Rhettapiki. He was young, I could tell. I nearly mistook him as a girl but he was indeed a guy. After quiet observation, I made my presence known.

"I'm a robber too. I took all the money already." I said, hopping down from the desk to face him. He gaped in wonder at me. "Cool!" He gasped in awe. I shifted from foot to foot, uncomfortable. This wasn't a reaction I had expected. Then he lifted his beak to the sky and screeched, "ROBBING BUDDIES!" At the top of his lungs. I had to cover my ears for fear of losing my hearing. Darn it, someday I knew I would go deaf because of all the penguins that had screamed in my ear.

Minutes later, I was bored and left the parlor to seek out my friend Mb. Rhetta followed, still laughing his little head off. I found her being bored at ski hill. By then Rhetta was really getting on my nerves. Everyone he saw, he ran up to and shouted, "Takes money!" in their face. I greeted my friend as he bellowed at a couple of penguin preparing to sled.

"Hey." Mb greeted, looking at the loud red penguin in surprise. "Is this a friend of yours?"

"Takes money!" He screamed, advancing on her.

I shoved him away roughly. "No! She's my friend. You won't take her money."

"Yes sir!" He said, bouncing around us in circles. This guy was like a little kid! It was almost like I had gotten an apprentice. At first it had been cool but now I was seriously getting sick of Rhettapiki.

"Do you know about the box dimension?" I whispered in Mb's ear. She shook her head so I told her that it was a secret room and the portal can be found in a member's igloo. "Meet me there." We split up, leaving Rhetta in the dust. After finding a box dimension, we hid in there for a while. Unfortunately, Rhetta found us. Fortunately, he had to leave right away.

After an annoying day, I went home and rested well.

But the fun doesn't end there. I was back in the pizza parlor the next day with Mb. As she struggled to convince a fangirl of hers that just because she was painted black didn't mean she was a guy, I tried to see what mischief I could stir up. I didn't have much of a chance because, like a stalker, Rhetta came bounding in. "Robber buddy!" He greeted, "Takes money!" I narrowed my eyes. Man he sucked at this.

"That's not how you do it," I said, donning my robber wear; a black pirate bandana on my head, a ninja mask, and a red bandana on my neck. "Come on, I'll teach you the right way." I marched him up to the front desk, deciding to be a little bit over the top in my usual robber performance. "HANDS UP! This is a robbery!" I roared. The small group of penguins in the parlor cried out in fear. A couple that didn't quite seem to be in there just kept dancing on the stage. The main point was, the boss noticed us.

"Takes money, takes money, takes money." Rhetta said, hyperventilating, "We got the money!" While he was doing that, I took the little money that was in the cash register out. Then two penguins came hurtling at us.

"No I have it!" A purple penguin named…Prupley…announced. I hope she hadn't spelled that wrong. I reeled backwards, out of reach, my beak curled up in a smug sort of manner. "Too late. I already spent it." She gasped in outrage. Hey look, someone wrote gullible on the ceiling! Case and point again. Seriously though…someone really did write gullible on the ceiling in the band room. Well, the second black penguin, a n00b named Dragon Tamer slapped me lightly on the wrist and said, "Cuffs!"

"Oh no!" I shouted dramatically, "Rhetta, take the money! Save yourself!" He grabbed the money from me.

"Takes money! Hahhahahahahaa!" He ran in circles around the parlor like a maniac. Suddenly, he froze, squealed, "I have to go!" And disappeared on the spot.

"Cuffs." Dragon Tamer said, slapping me again, "Cuffs."

What a bunch of idiots.

"We caught you." Prupley announced. "Come over here." She led me the corner of the pizza parlor. I glanced around confused. Mb was staring, a little freaked out, but a little entertained.

"So…are you arresting me or what?" I asked.

"Yes." Dragon answered. "You're going to stand here until you get bored!" Prupley said triumphantly. Well, they sure knew a good way to punish me. Too bad they couldn't make me stay.

"Right." I said, with a smirk. "And how are you gonna make me?" With that, I took off outta there like a rocket. The other two chased after me and Mb was hot on our trail, not wanting to miss out on the action. I skidded to a halt in the desolate town and quickly tore off my robber clothes and threw on…you guessed it…my famous glasses! Complete with a huge nose and mustache. The other three arrived just as I finished. A couple other penguins had appeared in the town by then too.

"Arrest him!" Prupley shouted, "He's a robber! He robbed the pizza parlor!"

"What?" I said, looking surprised. "No I didn't! You must have me confused with someone else." I could lie really well when I wanted to.

"We know it was you." Dragon growled. A purple guy (gay?) penguin with a purple and black striped hat waddled over. His named was Nightness.

"Calm down. What happened?" Night said, sounding like he thought he was extremely important. People like that pissed me off.

"They think I'm a robber." I said, rolling my eyes as if it were the most ridiculous thing ever. He glared at me, his eyes hard.

"Are you?"

I pointed at my hideous mug. "Does this look like the face of a robber to you?"

"Yes."

Shoot. Maybe I should have worn my princess outfit instead.

"Cuffs." Nightness said. "Cuffs!" Prupley and Dragon agreed. They wrapped their flippers around mine. My eyes widened in astonishment. I struggled to get away.

"Leave him alone!" Mb snarled, coming up from behind. The let go in surprise.

"You! You're with him?" Nightness snarled, advancing on her. I threw off my glasses and put my robber gear back on.

"Okay you got me!" I declared, spreading my arms wide. They turned away from Mb. "I'm a robber. Happy now?" Then I took a deep breath. "Quick, Mb to our secret hideout! I scampered away towards the igloo neighborhood, splitting up from my friend once again. Prupley and Dragon went off in pursuit of Mb. Nightness came after me. I picked the most random igloo I could and dove inside it. Right inside the entrance was a huge pit for excavating. With a startled cry, I fell into it. Who would dig a whole right in the middle of the front entrance to their house?

Two penguins inside that had been making out broke apart suddenly. "Hey!" The male shouted in anger, "Get out!" "Let's go somewhere else." His girlfriend prompted and they stepped around me and left. The door had barely closed when Night entered, staring down at me coldly.

"Oh crap, you got me." I grumbled, rubbing my sore arms.

"Cuffs." He whispered from above me. "Aims." He lifted up a flipper, forming it (somehow) into the shape of a gun. "Fires." He made an explosion sound effect. "Hills."

I stared at him. Then at every other thing in the room. Was Cute Kitty hiding in here or what? "Aims. Fires. Hills! HILLS!" He roared suddenly.

I smirked, "Oh no you've "hilled" me! NOT!" Then I sprang from the pit and bowled him over in my desperate flight for the exit. The next igloo I entered had a box with a portal in it. I dove in, faster than a rabbit fleeing for its burrow.

"Hey!" Mb greeted in relief upon seeing my dramatic entrance. "I lost the other two." I nodded my head as I stood there panting. But it was too good to be true…Nightness followed us in not a minute later, accompanied by a black penguin named Sub Zero.

"Robbers!" Night crowed triumphantly, "Caught ya!"

Sub Zero waddled over and said, "Cuffs." Of course. I think cuffs is officially the word of the day.

"We're not robbers!" I argued, ready to try and manipulate this newcomer.

"I told him everything." Night snickered, "He's my brother."

Shoot. It was like Lelee and Fugemonkeys all over again. The two boys started screeching and screaming things over and over such as "Cuffs," "Hills," and many more annoying things. Feeling overwhelmed, I rushed out of the box dimension and, after hurtling through space, landed with a plop in the snow-covered forest. Quickly, I scrambled behind a clump of trees. Mb came flying out after me along with the two persistent losers.

"Robber!" Sub Zero accused at her heatedly.

She looked like she was going to start panicking. "I'm not a robber!" She said, keeping a level head. "It was all pretend, don't you get it?"

"We don't believe you!" Night snarled, "Shoots! Hills!"

I burst from my hiding place, charged at him and tackled him to the ground. He squawked in surprise. Sub Zero stood there motionless, looking shocked. "Punk!" Night spat, shoving me off of him. "You're both punks! Punks!"

"Hills." Sub Zero grumbled.

"Why won't you just leave us alone?" I demanded furiously. "You're really annoying!"

"Because you're robbers. You deserve to die!" Sub Zero shouted.

"Punks! PUNKS!" Night shrieked over and over again.

Suddenly, I got a brilliant idea.

"You're guys right?" I asked, in a calmer tone of voice.

"WHAT?" Night shrieked, enraged. "NO!" Sub Zero roared angrily. I blinked, confused. But they had told me they were brothers! Then I realized that they must have thought I was code-talking like they were…like how they said "hills" instead of "kills." They must have thought I was asking if they were gay for each other.

"You're both boys?" I asked, correcting myself this time.

"Yeah." Night nodded. "We're brothers."

"Well then…" I said, my voice trembling in just the right place. With a single flourish, I painted myself pink and donned a fuzzy blue tiara and candy necklace. "WHY ARE YOU PICKING ON GIRLS?"

Their jaws dropped. Their eyes practically popped out of their sockets. Mb caught on immediately and also painted herself pink. "FAINTS!" Night shouted, gasping for breath, "FAINTS! FAINTS!"

"You're girls?" Sub Zero said, looking dizzy.

My beak quivered and my eyes filled with fake tears. "It's not very manly to go around picking on innocent girls!" I said in a high voice, covering my face as if I were crying.

"Yeah! That's so mean!" Mb sobbed into her flippers. "What is wrong with you guys!"

"I can't believe this!" Night growled, "You punks!"

"Bro, stop." Sub Zero said, staring at me as if he were in a trance. Uh-oh. This was awkward. He looked about ready to ask me out. Thank goodness a distraction came alone in the form of a random girl.

"Who's a robber?" She asked. "Say I."

Mb and I exchanged a glance. Oh, the temptation was too much. "I." We said together. She waddled over, her face expressionless. Had we recruited another member for our team?

"Cuffs," She said, slapping me on the wrist.

No.

"Who's this, your sister?" I growled.

"No. But you just said you were a robber!" Sub Zero hissed, "We're gonna hill you…"

"Let's get outta here." I said to Mb, "I'm sick of these people." We retreated to my igloo. Too bad I didn't realize Nightness was on my buddy list. I had first added him earlier when I had no clue about his annoying ways. Prupley came wandering in too but after "cuffing" me left right away.

"Come to my igloo, he can't come in there." Mb said, escaping out the door. Night stood in the way, breathing heavily. I stared at him, waiting for him to say what was on his mind. If it was more of the same crap, I was gonna get outta there fast.

"I…reported you." He scowled, and then waited for a reaction.

I sighed and tried not to roll my eyes. "So? I've been reported loads of times but never been banned. Heck, I've made this _speech_ loads of times." He looked disbelieving. "Look," I said, shrugging, "You would know if you read my story."

He frowned. "I have read your story." Shock gripped me. Seriously? "But I don't like it." Now that was even more mind-grappling.

"Why don't you like it?" I asked, feeling my pride take a stab.

"Because it was written by a robber."

I snorted. Never mind. "See, that proves you haven't read it. It was written by a _player_."

"And a robber."

"If you have nothing more to say, then I'm leaving." At that moment, before I could take one step towards the door, Mb came strolling back in.

"Go to the dock. Add my brother." Nightness said.

Did he think I was stupid? Because I wasn't. Since he was testing me, I would test him right back. I held open the door. He stepped outside. I slammed it behind him and locked it securely. Then I opened up my buddy list and edited it while he banged on the door frantically. I also took off Rhettapiki and a bunch of other people I had met that day.

"Don't take me off!" Mb warned.

"Of course I won't. You're a permanent resident." I told her as the loud knocks on the door faded away. We headed to the dock like they said. Once there, both were up in my face, Nightness accusing me off removing him as a friend and Sub Zero screeching about me adding him.

"Too bad." I said, dancing in circles around them. "See you…never again!" Mb and I skipped happily away after that and came to rest in her igloo, laughing about our little adventure. It wasn't quite over, though. Rhettapiki came exploding into the igloo.

"Robber buddy! To the pizza parlor!" He giggled insanely, "Takes money!"

"No." I said firmly, sick of his idiotic ways, "I'm sick of you. I took you off my buddy list. Go find a new robber buddy."

He gaped openly. "But…robber buddy! Please…please, no! Don't take me off. I'll do anything! I'll do anything for you!"

Crud, it's not like I even had to manipulate this guy into worshipping me! Yes, maybe it was cool having an apprentice and a penguin worshipping someone other than Rockhopper for once, but it was time to draw the line.

"Too late." I said, going home for the night. "See you never again."

Unfortunately, no one can predict the future.

***Translation: "You are right. I don't speak English. I speak German! And Sammy, you are a butthead…and a creeper!"**


	26. Miss Pinks Stinks!

**Read this! It's kind of important.**

**Okay, let's see here…first of all, my second story Revenge of the Fangirls was put up last week so make sure you check that out if you haven't already. And make sure you leave a comment if you do check it out. That story needs a little bit more love before I put up the next chapter.**

**Second of all, thanks to Iceflower485, one of the reviewers, I'll probably put some of the chapters up on another site called Club Penguin Fanon Wiki. That is, if they will accept them, and if I can figure out how to get around on that site. Seriously, the layout confuses me! Haha. Just don't expect the chapters up on that site for a couple more weeks, considering I am a very busy person.**

**Last of all, for this one I combined two old, shorter chapters into one big chapter. I was avoiding putting this one up for a while because of certain reasons, but I think I should put it up, considering the girl in this is also in my new story. So PLEASE be warned, if you are under the age of ten, don't read this. I don't want to ruin certain things for any younger readers that read this story. **

**I am such a good person…well, I'm off to Otakon. Have a great rest of July, because I know I will!**

**~Chapter 26: Suiteb's Amazing Speech / Miss Pinks Stinks**

One morning, Suiteb, the girl who liked to control things, was hanging out in the pizza parlor. She had been on my buddy list a long time and I thought I should confront her. No one usually stayed on my buddy list for long unless they were a permanent resident such as Rhutter. She had far exceeded her time limit and I was going on a deletion rampage of my so-called friends.

After casually sitting down at her table and ordering pizza, I asked her if she remembered me. She said yes, but I explained that I needed to make room for real friends on my friend list. Haha, yeah right. I was so picky about my buddy list it usually only contained five to ten friends. You had to be worthy if you were going to stay on it for even more than a week. People brag all the time about having a hundred friends on their buddy list. Let me tell you, a more impressive thing to brag about would be if you were _my_ buddy list.

"I'm taking you off." I told her, flat out.

It took a minute to sink in. She sat there looking disbelieving for a bit, but when she understood, she fled to her igloo, crying. I followed, rolling my eyes. _Let's get this over with,_ I thought to myself. "Okay here we go." I said, and deleted her. "I took you off."

Without saying anything, she sprinted away once more, bawling louder than ever. I went back to the parlor and performed a victory dance on the stage. Then I took out my drill and began destroying the piano, against the boss's wishes. Suiteb sat in a corner, sobbing. Someone was trying to make her feel better. I ignored her and kept on drilling. That made her take action.

She got up on stage and shouted, "Hey guys, I have an announcement."

Everyone in the parlor looked at her.

"If you're best friend took you off their buddy list…what would you do?" She said dramatically through tears. The audience blinked at her for a few seconds then returned to their pizzas and conversations. She turned her gaze on me, as if waiting for some kind of answer. "…what would you do?" She whispered again.

"Not complain?" I suggested after a moment. "Oh, and I'm not your best friend."

She ran out of the parlor, crying once more. I hoped to never see her again. Fortunately, I didn't have to.

* * *

"I'LL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF! YOU LITTLE WORM!"

Those were the first words I heard when I happened to stumble upon the stage late in the afternoon. A pink girl wearing a crown was rampaging about the crowded room, screeching like a maniac. I scowled, covering my ears as she bellowed louder and louder. People like that annoyed me. There was one thing to do: Annoy her.

I approached with caution. "Hi." I said calmly, waiting for a gap in the noise to make my identity known. "Not you!" She snapped furiously, rounding on me. "Prince! I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU PRINCE!"

I saw a simple black penguin sitting in the alien spaceship. This reminded me of the time I had been known as "Prince" and sat in that spacecraft myself. _This_ Prince had a glazed look about his eyes…I wondered what harm he had done.

"DON'T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME!" She roared at the unmoving penguin.

"You're so loud." I drawled. "You're annoying. And whiny." She turned on me angrily.

"Stay out of this!" She yelled.

I smirked evilly. "Miss Pinks Stinks! Miss Pinks Stinks!" I chanted.

Now it was time for her to direct her anger at me. "NO YOU!" She flared, making me grow louder. "MISS PINKS STINKS!" I announced loudly to the public. My friend Laughytime joined in and so did an Orange penguin whose name I won't bother to type, since it consisted of a bunch of random numbers.

"SHUT IT!" She screamed. After various insults, she was beginning to give up. We had both gotten supporters, yet she was starting to lose her fighting spirit. "No you stink Hipengy!" One of her supporters pointed a flipper at me.

"You can't smell me." I said narrowing my eyes. "You don't know where I live!"

Yeah, I don't know why I said that. What I meant to say was something more to the effect of, you're not in the same room as me, so how would you know how I smell? Then I randomly ranted about how I had a poor sense of smell. Eventually Pinks took a different approach to the useless situation. Crocodile tears burst from her beady eyes. Or maybe they were penguin tears…

"Make him stop!" She wailed dramatically, bringing about five more penguins into the situation, all of which took her side. "Yeah make him stop!" I shouted.

"Who?" One questioned.

"Hiengy." Pinks sniffled.

"MISS PINKS STINKS!" I roared with laughter, as if on cue, oblivious to the horrid misspelling of my name.

"See?" She cried some more. "I didn't even d-do anything to him! He's so mean…not me! I'm nice to everyone!"

I stopped laughing for a second to narrow my eyes. "Liar."

"I don't tell lies!" She said, sticking her tongue out.

"You're lying right now!" I pointed out. "Everyone lies!"

I wanted to go into another rant; about how every single human has lied at one point, whether to another person or to themselves, and that all of humanity has faults, when there was an awkward pause. Then she turned away and whispered. "So that's why I am…" She trailed off. Everyone gasped in sympathy. Even Orangey, who had been on my side earlier.

I blinked stupidly. I must have missed something…

Everyone began to glare at me. "Be friends with Miss Pinks!" Orangey demanded.

"Yeah, Hipengy, let's be friends!" Pinks said, sounding like a scary doll. Or Pokey Minch, only he's cool when he says it.

I backed away. "No way! You can't make me…" Pinks approached, looking slightly downcast. "Please!" She begged.

I began to yell about how she smelled again. Boy was I being obnoxious today. Must have been something I'd eaten. Suiteb must have put something in the pizza. More tears appeared at the corners of her eyes. "You are so mean…" She murmured.

Orangey took her hand gently. "Cove…" He smiled and they left, off to go reenact some corny romance novel no doubt. My eyes turned to slits. No way was my prey getting away that easy. I followed more slowly. When I got there, they were in the water. Miss Pinks looked grateful to be safe. Not for long though…

"MISS PINKS STINKS!" I yelled, making myself known as I splashed into the small pool. Her smile disappeared.

"Hipengy!" Orangey said, steaming with fury. I stuck my tongue out.

"MISS PINKS STINKS!" I repeated like an annoying record.

"Everyone tell him to stop!" Pinks shouted, getting her drama thing on. A few came over and said STOP!

In the name of love?

I think not…

"Yeah! Stop!" I mimicked. "Arrest that Hipengy!" (Ten year olds and below should stop reading now if they haven't already)

"Yeah! Arrest Hipengy!" Orangey shouted, but my attention was suddenly diverted to a little girl waddling up to me and saying "Hi Santa!"

I stared at her and said simply, "I'm Hipengy. Santa isn't real." Ohh that was so heartless. I blame Lelee.

"YES HE IS!" She screamed. "He's not…?" Another girl said tearfully. "Oh." "I'm going to drown myself." One declared, wading into the water and sitting down.

A twinge of guilt struck my good soul, but it was washed away when the first girl pouted, "Yes he is! Hipengy, you have no Christmas spirit!"

I have no Christmas spirit…that's why I wear a Santa hat…

"Christmas isn't about Santa you…you…" I had no idea what to call her so I yelled at the top of my lungs. "YOU BEEEEEEEEEP!"

"What the-?" One penguin said, wide-eyed.

I don't know. I don't swear, and since swear words are censored on television, why couldn't I yell beep at the top of my lungs?

"Hipengy!" Someone shouted. "Save me!"

I turned to look at the puddle of water they called the cove, rolling my eyes. Some girl was randomly sitting in the water. Another came up to me and said seriously, "We need a lifeguard. You are the chosen one."

I am the chosen one! I am the Avatar! I'm going to go master the four elements, save the world, and experience emotional turmoil, blah blah blah… So I hovered over, applying my famous beanie hat that makes everyone jealous. "I'll save you." I said in a bored voice, holding out my flipper. "Grab my hand…"

She looked at me with a blank expression.

"Grab my hand." I repeated impatiently.

No response.

"Fine!" I growled. "Drown for all I care!" I threw my hat to the ground in frustration and left the cove to go home for the night.


	27. Cousin Taylor

**In **_**this**_** chapter we break the fourth wall, make video game references, and find out my name. :o **

**Also, I might put up another story soon; if you go to my profile, you'll see what they are. I'm thinking of combining the mission one with maybe an 'Ask Uncle Hipengy' entry at the beginning and end of each chapter. Just an idea. **

**But enough about that, I expect you're all wondering about Revenge of the Fangirls. Don't worry; I'm not going to stop writing it. And after careful consideration I've decided not to put this stuff up on Club Penguin Fanon Wiki, unless I somehow change my mind, then I would put them up in the distant future. For more details, visit my other story. You can bet when I head on over to update that there is going to be a long author's note but for now I'm going to be lazy and say don't worry about it. Just enjoy this next chapter. **

**~Chapter 27: Cousin Taylor**

It had been a long time since I had been evil on Club Penguin. But boredom never stays away for long and the urge to piss someone off can be a powerful one. So powerful, in fact, it may be even more powerful than the urge to pick up a bomb off the ground during a Smash Bros team fight and throw it in your friend/teammate's face, thus sending you both to kingdom come…what? I couldn't help myself!

So anyways, I was walking around on this stupid ninja-themed 'adventure' hoping that I would get a decent prize. Unfortunately, the prize ended up being a stupid background. Grumbling to myself, I wandered the club, looking for a sucker that I could take advantage of.

Then I spotted two penguins standing nearby named Becca and Mike—the names of two of my friends in the real world. And by world I mean the not Club Penguin world. But enough about breaking the fourth wall! This is supposed to be a realistic story, am I right?

I waddled over shouting, "Hey guys! It's me, Taylor!" in a really obnoxious way.

Mike gave me a blank stare and wandered off, his eyes unfocused and dim.

Hmm…maybe that really _was _Mike. The other penguin, Becca, looked at me in surprise. "My cousin?" She wondered out loud.

Oh boy.

"Yeah!" I said with a grin, "What's up!"

"Taylor!" She said in amazement, "My igloo."

I hadn't added her yet, so we became buddies and went to her igloo, which she couldn't seem to spell right. I mean, I thought it had more than just one o in it but, hey, if she thought "iglo" had more of a ring to it than "igloo" that was fine with me.

"How's the pool?" She asked when we got inside.

"Cold." I said immediately, being the good liar that I am. I had been practicing keeping a straight face while saying the most ridiculous things and today that was going to come in handy. Then I wondered for a moment if this Taylor person was a girl or a boy. Oh well…I could pull this off either way. "How's the family?" I said, not voicing any names.

"Good." She responded and I was beginning to get bored of this conversation. Then she asked, "Why aren't you in the pool? Too cold?"

"No. I've been in it almost all summer. I'm kind of sick of it."

"Summer or the pool?" She said, looking very confused. I rolled my eyes. _Yes_ I was sick of summer and I wanted to go back to school. And for those of you who don't know this, I had my soul removed to make room for all this sarcasm.

"The pool." I told her patiently. She stared at me like I had been dropped on my head as a baby, run over by a tractor trailer as a toddler, and trampled by a buffalo herd as a kid. Okay, maybe it was a little weird that I wasn't hanging out in my so-called pool, but c'mon, it really does get boring after an hour or so.

"I want to go to Valley Fair." She said randomly.

"Sounds fun." I said, forcing a smile. She was boring me so I invited her to sled. Let me tell you, it was a lot more entertaining than her, but she didn't like it so we went back to her igloo yet again. Then I ditched her and went to hide in the gift shop.

Inside, the cashier was screaming at a rich girl who was bragging that she had stolen everything she was wearing. Then the cashier turned and started directing her fury upon me. "Hipengy, you have to pay for those!" She shrieked, when I had obviously walked in wearing my usual attire. I rolled my eyes for the fifteenth time that day. First of all, anyone knew that you could get these for free, and second of all, the gift shop wouldn't have been selling Santa hats in the middle of summer.

I wasn't in the mood to act like a robber, so I watched the two girls' argument escalate into a major catfight.

Then Becca found me. "Taylor." She said, walking into the room. "Taylor."

It was so weird that this stranger wasn't calling me "Hip" or "Pengy" like so many other idiots did. Why couldn't anyone just call me "Hipengy" like I wanted? I would be okay with being called Hip too.

"What?" I said, turning away from the catfight between the cashier and the rich girl. Her eyes were lifeless with stupidity. She just kept on staring at me. Maybe talking about my imaginary pool would bring her back to life. Then she said something about calling her, but I ignored it.

Suddenly, Skully walked in!

"Remember me?" She said with a mischievous grin.

"I remember you!" I said, smiling, "We robbed the pizza parlor together. Good times."

"Yeah." She agreed with a laugh.

"That's when I was evil." I said, pulling on my gangster outfit. "When I looked like this!"

Becca just stood there looking confused and slightly bored. She came to life when I let it slip that I had to go do chores soon. "Chores?" She echoed, "What chores?"

Uh-oh. I hope the Taylor I was pretending to be had chores to do. "Clean the pool." I said smoothly, "It has bugs in it." Score one for Hipengy!

"Oh." Becca said, nodding in agreement. I snickered inwardly.

"You have a pool." Skully sighed wistfully, "I wish I had a pool."

I opened my beak to brag, "I also have a pond!" but snapped it shut just in time. Sure I had a pond, but what if this other Taylor didn't? I could have stupidly ended my perfect game right there by bragging!

Sick of standing around, Skully and I took the only two seats in the gift shop and began to talk about how her summer was going. Becca, who hovered uncertainly by the arm of my chair, put in one or two useless comments that I paid no attention to. Then she turned and left. I checked where she went…her igloo…I mean, iglo. Hopefully, she wouldn't come back any time soon.

"Oh, she left!" Skully exclaimed upon her disappearance.

"That's my cousin." I said, twisting in my seat to face her with a serious look set upon my face.

"Oh, cool." She replied politely.

"Not really." I said, still holding my serious expression. "She thinks I'm her cousin but I'm not. I'm just pretending to be."

She blinked in astonishment as I let out a bark of laughter. "I guess I haven't stopped being evil, huh?"

To my great surprise, she giggled. I launched into my tale of how I had tricked her, but right before I could finish it, Skully gasped, "She's back!" and Becca walked into the room. I quickly put on a fake smile and exclaimed, "You're back! We missed you."

"Taylor. My iglo." She said for the fifth time in forty-five minutes. Obsessed with igloos, much? When we got back, she started blabbering on about random family members. I grabbed the first name I heard and said,

"What about Daisy?"

"Tell her I said hi." She said.

"Okay. I will." I promised, wondering who the heck Daisy was. Maybe she meant Princess Daisy from Mario or the Daisy from the Great Gatsby, because those were the only girls named Daisy I knew. Skully stifled a snort from the corner…err…side of the igloo.

"I have to go soon." Becca said, frowning, "Have fun cleaning the pool."

"Okay, I will." I replied. Not.

"I'll call you!" She said before leaving.

I left too, smirking evilly as I imagined what she would do when she found out that Cousin Taylor hadn't been talking to her that day. If only I could be around to see it…oh well…

At least I wasn't bored anymore.


	28. Uncle Andy's Storytime Circle

**I saw this story got recommended on TV Tropes thanks to Dark Kyotoa. That made me pretty happy so I decided to put up a chapter. This is another chapter with two chapters in it. They're both kind of short, but they have their moments. **

**Also, I think I want to make a Community with Hipengy-related stories. Would that be too self-centered? Because there are some cool stories out there that I inspired and I feel like they need to be recognized. Plus I've never made a community before.**

**Oh…and I just realized I don't think I ever pointed out that I had a new poll up. But it had been up for months and a bunch of you discovered it anyways. The question was, "Which insane Hipengy fangirl is your favorite?" and surprisingly, Fugemonkeys won with her sister only one vote behind her. Poor Lelee! Now there's a new poll up asking which chapters in this story are your favorite. Looks like four of you already voted. If you haven't, head on over there and vote NOW. Or after you read this chapter. Whichever.**

**Now if you'll excuse me, I hear Meta Knight calling me from the other room. He's telling me to come kick some butt on Smash Bros. See ya. **

**~Chapter 28: Uncle Andy's Storytime Circle/ Kearby of the Retards**

I was hanging with Rhutter in the town. It was very crowded. Then some random member penguin came waddling by, looking like he had no clue what he was doing. He was a black penguin and wore a guitar strapped on his shoulder, along with some other accessories, but that didn't make him look any less gullible. I narrowed my eyes. Apparently, his name was Uncle Andy. I stood up from where Rhutter and I were chilling.

"Why, it's Uncle Andy!" I shouted, stepping up to where he stood. He arched an eyebrow, eyes still vacant.

"I know you…?" He said in a thick voice, looking suspicious.

I clapped him on the shoulder. "Play me a song, man! Tell me a story, man! …Tell me the story about how you grew up on a corn farm!"

He looked confused. "You know…" He said. I didn't get what he was talking about, anymore than I got what _I _was talking about.

"I know all about you, Uncle Andy." I said seriously, my eyes widening dramatically. I heard Rhutter stifle a snicker from behind. "I know where you are during the day. I know where you are at night. I know all about you."

"O…Okay…" He said uncertainly, looking a little scared. He backed away. I moved in closer, coming after him…

"I've always been watching you, Uncle Andy. All of us. We all know about you. You have to escape, Uncle Andy, escape! Get away from the eyes!"

"Okay, but don't follow me!" He said hastily, escaping to the other side of the town. I charged after him.

"You have to get away, Uncle Andy! Run away! Keeping running! RUN RUN RUN" I shouted as he ran in confused circles about the town. Not very bright, eh? "RUN RUN RUN!" I ranted as he turned to escape to the dock. "Why?" Someone asked as I went after him, still screaming the same thing at the top of my lungs.

"GET AWAY!" He screamed in a girly voice.

"RUN RUN RUN! RUN RUN RUN!"

Eventually, he disappeared and I lost track of him. I went back to the town to find Rhutter. I was searching the crowd when I caught sight of good old Uncle Andy. He looked terrified, standing there panting. "RUN RUN RUN!" I yelled across the square. He looked around frantically. And, without checking to see if I was there, took off towards the igloo neighborhood.

I found Rhutter and sat down next to him, chuckling. To this day, I still hope that Uncle Andy managed to get away from the eyes.

* * *

One day I walked into town. There must have been some crazy party going on because there were all these different girls going insane for guys. Of course, I ended up with the stupidest one that had trouble typing in normal lettering.

"Who's a girl?" I said coolly.

"ME!" She screamed. Her name was Kearby and she always shouted everything at the top of her voice. I forced a smile.

"Cool." Then she demanded I sit. Oh boy, I was going to get treated like a dog all over again. Awesome. Then she came over and practically sat on me. Personal space, much? And you know what else? She farted on me! The nerve! I started getting bored real fast and asked her if she wanted to go somewhere. She screeched something about her igloo…I hesitated and she asked what was wrong. I told her she needed to add me to her buddy list. You can imagine how surprised I was when she showed me how smart she was by actually adding me! I guess I just thought she was an incompetent idiot, but looks like her IQ was a little higher than I previously thought.

We got inside. "HEY!" She boomed.

"Sup?" I replied calmly. She didn't respond…just stared at me all creepily. The silence was awkward and unnerving. To break it, I said to her, "So…what now?"

"YES OR NO YES OR NO" She started to screech over and over like some broken record. My flippers flew to my ears and I cringed.

"What?" I shouted over the noise, getting desperate to understand this freak. "To what? What was the question?"

She stopped screaming and said quite calmly, "Are you takin from a girl?"

Am I taking retard lessons from one? Yes, I'm taking them right now. Then I realized she meant "taken" as in, in another relationship. "I'm not taken." I lied.

"Want to?"

"Sure." Want to what? Be a couple? The only thing we were going to be was a couple of idiots, and nothing more…ever. She started screaming incoherently again. For once I was wishing that she had asked, "do you" instead. Then I would have understood her a little bit better.

"Be right back." I told her, letting my mind wander.

"WHERE YOU GOIN WHERE YOU GOIN" She asked fifty times as I stood there. Holy crap, you're not supposed to ask people where they're going when they say be right back! It's a penguin thing. Sometimes our brains have meltdowns, we say be right back, then you sit patiently and wait! When I got back, she told me she wanted to visit my house, but I declined: it's been empty ever since Flipengy left. But she persisted. I forced a weak laugh and asked if she wanted to play a game instead, trying to change the subject.

"It's your choice." I said nicely.

"No, it's yours!" She counteracted.

"No, yours." I growled, growing less friendly by the minute. Then she picked the worst game possible…tag. Okay, I changed my mind. I'll pick the game. …Too late.

"NOT IT!" She shrieked, running around the cramped space in the igloo.

"Darn it!" I yelled, trying to match her idiocy. "I'm it!" Then we got to the snow forts and played…wait for it…more tag. After what seemed forever, she finally stopped demanding that we play tag.

"MANE!" She shrieked, and sent me a corny friend card.

…Okay?

Then she dragged me off to the Night Club. Great, we all know how much I love that robotic penguin dance. The more and more I hung out with her, the stupider I felt. She was the kind of girl that, the more time you spent with her, the more brain cells you lost. Hmm…when would be a good time to ditch her? Wait for it…wait for it…

What was I waiting for? Anytime would be the perfect time to ditch her! So I told her the first excuse that came to my head and got out of there fast.

"I have to go eat potatoes now!"

"What?" She shrieked in that loud annoying voice of hers and then…well…I ditched her. Just like that.


	29. Hipengy's Finest Moment

**Well I think it's finally time to end The Chronicles.**

**Before we bow our heads for a moment of silence, I'll list my reasons. I have pretty much run out of chapters to put up, and I won't be writing anymore because I feel like I've grown out of Club Penguin. Besides, it isn't at all what it used to be…the filter gets stricter every time I visit…which I haven't lately, because I'm always busy. And things are about to get even busier from here on out. That's why it's time to end this story.**

**I'm glad so many people liked this story. As you can tell by my very first author's note, I thought everyone would hate it and I never expected Hipengy to become a mini-celebrity of sorts.**

**You'll be glad to hear that, despite what I've said above, you never know…maybe I'll be bored one day in the distant future…really really REALLY bored. And I'll get on CP and have an awesome story for you guys after getting off. And don't forget, there are always other stories that I have written. Revenge of the Fangirls is still going steady…and I may or may not post other stories. But none of them are as good as this one, because this is what started it all. **

**Enjoy the last chapter. I think it's a pretty fitting end to Hipengy's adventures. **

It started out like any other day, with me sitting around my igloo being extremely bored. As I was spacing out, thinking of past adventures, a sudden idea struck me.

I had always been into tricking people and taking advantage of them…but why not switch roles? Why not see if people would take advantage of me? It would certainly be something different and interesting to try out.

So I went to town and stood around with a gullible look on my face, waiting for the first chance I got. An ugly, but obvious, Rockhopper-wannabe wandered by. He wore a black pirate bandana, black boots, and a white beard. Good enough.

"Rockhopper!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, starting to chase the guy, "Rockhopper!" The pirate penguin stopped and looked at me in surprise.

"No, I'm not Rockhopper." He told me gently, as if I were five years old. "But I am a pirate. Arr!" And with that, he swaggered away as if in a trance. I caught up with him.

"You're doing it wrong." I told him, standing in his path. "You had the perfect opportunity and you missed it. See, if that happened to me, I would take advantage of that person. But you failed." He blinked at me and continued on his way.

Much later on, I came across someone with the name of Miley Cyrus. As I'm sure many of you know, half of the girls that wander Club Penguin have claimed to be Miley Cyrus at least once. Now I've never seen the show, but I hate Miley Cyrus for the same reason I hate Rockhopper.

Anyways, when I saw this girl, it sprung a new opportunity…even if she had spelled Miley "Cryus's" name wrong. "Miley Cyrus?" I gasped, not bothering to point out her mistake, "Is that really you?"

"Duh." She said. Good! Someone to take advantage of taking advantage of me.

I gasped, sounding like a fangirl. I turned and ran from the room and she followed. Wow. The whole "run from the room and expect them to follow thing" really worked. I thought it wouldn't…oh wait, that's because I was usually the one who refused to follow. But now I was in the lead. I didn't want to embarrass myself too much so we ended up on Rockhopper's mast to avoid the crowds.

"I can't believe it's you!" I said excitedly…boy was I a great actor. "I'm your biggest fan! You're my absolute favorite!"

"Aww, you're sweet." She said, "You're a boy right?"

"Yeah." I said. If I had said I was a girl, she probably would have walked away…hmm I probably should have said I was a girl then. But too late to change that!

"You seem nice." She stated.

Key word being seem.

Then she randomly handed me a card that said "I met Rockhopper!" I don't know why she didn't just tell me. Besides, it's not like it was a great feat. I had been unfortunate enough to meet him at least three times.

Then I summoned up all my acting skills and burst out, "REALLY? WHAT HAPPENED!" Like I actually cared.

"He said hi." She said quietly.

I narrowed my eyes. Oh come on. Even Rockhopper wasn't that boring. At least when I had something to say to him he wasn't… "What else?" I prodded.

"I can't tell you." She whispered like it was some big secret. "It's just…I…oh…forget it." Then she ran off like the drama queen she was, into the lodge. I rolled my eyes and followed in pursuit.

"I'm sorry!" I shouted, faking tears when I saw her, "What did I do? Please! Tell me!"

"DUDE! DUDE!" She started shouting when she saw me. I recoiled in terror as she came up and yelled "dude" some more. I hated being crowded. Then she retreated to the couch and sat there saying nothing. I felt creeped out. I inched forward. "Um…?" "DUDE!" She shrieked again, without warning, running towards me once more.

I turned and ran for my life as she continuously screamed after me. I ran and ran and didn't stop running until I had reached my igloo and locked the door securely.

But I wasn't ready to go back to being bored just yet.

Later that day, I was hanging out with a friend at the Cove when a ton of penguins came pouring into the room, screeching and jabbering away like a bunch of seagulls on crack. I could feel my insides freeze up. My stomach tightened with disgust. I knew what was happening. Squinting my eyes, it was then that I spotted him at the core of the group. Of course. _Of course._

Well I wasn't just gonna sit back and do nothing.

I got up off my seat and shoved my way through the crowd, making my way towards the very center. There I was, in the center of a pathetic group of idiots, facing off with the king of retards himself. Rockhopper…his eyes were glinting evilly…he seemed to recognize me. Yes, the only penguin that hated him…the only one that had ever opposed him. Everyone was screaming at the top of their lungs, screaming things like "Rockhopper, be my friend!" "Add me! ADD ME!" "Tell us a story, Rockhopper!" until their voices became hoarse. But I heard none of it. As far as I was concerned, it was just me and him, facing off.

"Arr, who wants to hear a story?" He bellowed, stroking his ugly beard and turning away from me.

"Me!" "ME!" "I DO!" I felt like I was going to puke. After partying for at least five minutes over Rockhopper's declaration of story time, everyone quieted down all at once to listen.

"So one day Yarr and I-"

"!"

I opened my beak wide and screamed, louder than all of the penguins put together in the room. I could see the shock ripple through the crowd. "Be quiet!" They said in a panic, "We can't see what Rockhopper's trying to say!" Rockhopper looked so surprised, I wished I had brought a video camera. Then he cleared his voice and continued on quite a bit more loudly…

"SO YARR AND I-" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" "WE WERE SAILIN THE-" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" "THEN WE FOUND TREASURE-" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" "Y'KNOW WHAT THAT TREASURE WA-" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Nobody guessed what the treasure was. They were all shouting at me to shut up, creating so much noise, Rockhopper's disgusting voice became lost. It was great! It was like I had set off a whole chain reaction of noise so that Rockhopper could not be heard. The funniest part was that the idiots wanting to hear the story were drowning him out without even realizing it.

"Cream soda." Rockhopper finished lamely, his voice tired, "The End."

"What?" "Tell it again, Rockhopper!" His worshippers said frantically.

"Arr, I'd better be off!" And with that, he vanished into thin air.

I smiled. Mission complete.

"Where'd he go, where'd he go?" Everyone screamed, each and every penguin nearly having a heart attack. "He left because of Pengy!" "Report Hipengy!" But no one could even touch me in the thick of the crowd. I escaped.

I walked back home, just as the sun was setting, tired from my adventures that day. I opened the door of my igloo and walked inside, ready for a well-deserved rest. I laid down in the snow and closed my eyes.

_My finest moment…_ I thought to myself, yawning, letting sleep take me.

_Hipengy's finest moment…_

**Thanks for reading. I enjoyed the ride.**

**-Hipengy**


End file.
